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New relationship - to bring up old issues?
Hi there, I was looking for an experienced columnist that gives thoughtful advice, and I came across you! I would much appreciate any help you can offer.
I'm 23/f, just met a guy while at a party that I really like. I felt really comfortable with him right from the start, like we were old friends. We talked all night and exchanged numbers and made plans to see each other again soon.
Here's the thing: I've been single for about a year now, and my last relationship ended badly -- I cheated on him. Though the relationship would have ended even if I hadn't (there were numerous issues there and I won't go into the full story), it tore both him and me apart. I couldn't believe what I'd done...the guilt was overwhelming, I sunk into a deep depression for several months. I didn't even recognize myself. I eventually got myself into counseling, made changes both big and small, and got my life back together, and now I feel like I'm at a point where I can start seeing people again. I understand myself better and I know that I could never cheat on someone again.
I think I should bring this up at some point to the guy that I'm interested in. I want to be completely honest with him, own up to my mistakes and of course I'd never want him to find out through any channel other than me. So my question is this: how can I approach this subject? When would be an appropriate time? I know I just met him, but I felt an instant connection, and now I've got this nagging on my conscience because I can see things developing quickly.
I have to admit that I'm afraid - afraid that he'll think of me how I thought of myself for so many months, that he wouldn't want to stick around to see if anything could develop between us. And I of course would respect whatever he chose to do...I have to accept the consequences of my own decisions. But I'm hoping for the best.
Thanks for reading, I appreciate your time.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
This a NEW relationship. A NEW beginning for you. What he thinks of you is a reflection of how you see yourself. It seems that you have learned a great lesson from your previous relationship and did the work required to change your behaviour. All you need to do is trust that behaviour.
Let go of the past. He is interested in the woman he just met, not the woman you may have been. Treat this new beginning as a second chance. A chance for you to put all that you worked to overcome, to the test. And succeed!
The past moves further and further away the more steps you take forward. Be confident in the New you and you will have nothing to worry about.
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