|
Long distance relationship troubles...
Hi everyone, we're 24. I'm female. We only live about an hour away from one another, but that in combination with my career and his erratic hours is enough to make us both very lonely quite a lot of the time. We love each other very deeply, and we're each other's best friends, but we've had some problems.
He had what I'll call a moment of weakness and messed around with someone else. I won't go into detail, but because it wasn't really something intimate, I've decided to give him the benefit of the doubt not to do that again. Yes, I feel betrayed, but I'm not upset as I expected, or as he expected. I don't know. Maybe it's the wrong choice, but honestly, I'm not willing to give up on us because of something that I consider so benign. I know we love each other, and that we want to be together in the future. We're sexually compatible, our families love us, even our pets are in on it, his friends love me, mine love him, we communicate well, we're also both very in tune with one another. I knew he was missing me, but I guess I didn't realize how much... The only area in which we struggle is coping with the distance, which neither of us can do anything about right now.
Both of us, during our conversation about the whole situation (I won't call it an argument, because it wasn't), expressed that we felt very lonely most of the time. I'm a very independent person, and it takes a lot for me to be lonely, having lived on my own since I was 17. If I've been in pain and missing him, I can only imagine how he's been feeling. We hadn't been staying in close contact, exactly. We'd go days without hearing each other's voice, and see each other about once a week. The thing that sticks out to me the most about what he said is "I don't want to be lonely, I need you in my life. I need to be with you."
Moving in together right now, though we'd love to, is unfortunately not an option financially. I'd be more than happy to move closer to him, as most of my friends are more in his direction anyway, as well as my family, but the grad school I'm eyeing is closer to where I am now. He and I have iPhones, so we've recently discovered face time, but it's just not the same as being with one another... Though it did really make me smile yesterday to be able to hear his voice and see his face to say goodnight.
I'm not really sure what my question is, exactly. I'm just hoping for some feedback, I guess. I know LDRs are hard. I'd love some tips on how to make this easier for us.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Dead Long Distance,
I know exactly what you mean, I lived one hour away, 700 miles away, and over 3000 miles away. Naturally each time was for different durations; however, we are still together and no cheating involved.
I think you need to understand that you are looking for an assessment for your situation. Most people in LTR want answers because it is never very clear if you and your companion are headed in the right direction.
There seems to be gaps in your relationship and I want you to understand that first off trust and communication are the foundation in every relationship, if you do not have this, even living together doesn't mean this gap will be bridged. You state you have been cheated on and yet you don't feel too upset, and neither does he. Not always the best sign, or it means both of your acknowledge the mistake from a logic point of view and see a benefit.
LTR to instinct move-in can have downsides, you both need to be open with each with each other, you need to set boundaries because now you both share all common areas.
If you want tips, here they are:
1. Technology - Use FaceTime to visually see each other.
I recommend starting an Instagram profile so that both of you can see what each other is up to and what they are engaged in. Sounds silly, but my girlfriend and I use it to take pictures of food and share the moments in which we are not in contact. This helps us feel close and feel like we are engaged in each others life for a perspective.
2. Make plans - Both of you should make plans to see each other and to try something new when you do. It really does get old to see each other and do the same ole thing. So, make each other want to see each other and build up your relationship with memories.
3. No excuses - Stop making excuses for yourself and for him. Taking responsibility for ones faults builds this trust and allows for honesty and forgiveness. Essential parts of LTR.
4. Include each other in both your lives. Make him do something you are passionate about and then do something his is passionate about. Regardless of what the other person thinks.
5. Romance (if you already engage). Any kind of romance from that cute last minute meal to a planned romantic evening. In LTR, the spark dim and needs to be attended. Or else it doesn't matter if you live together, 1 mile away, or a continent away, this helps keep your connected and happy with each other.
Hope this helps
-CLE247
]
More Questions: |