I will keep this brief. I am an individual who has lived a lot of life. I would like to help everyone who needs assistance. Just remember, you may not get the answer you want; however, I will provide you with the answer I think you need.
Gender: Male
Location: Albuquerque, NM and I now reside in Los Angeles, CA
Occupation: Executive Analyst in Telecommunications and Film enthusiast.
Age: 27
Member Since: October 18, 2012
Answers: 5
Last Update: October 21, 2012
Visitors: 2540
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Hi everyone, we're 24. I'm female. We only live about an hour away from one another, but that in combination with my career and his erratic hours is enough to make us both very lonely quite a lot of the time. We love each other very deeply, and we're each other's best friends, but we've had some problems.
He had what I'll call a moment of weakness and messed around with someone else. I won't go into detail, but because it wasn't really something intimate, I've decided to give him the benefit of the doubt not to do that again. Yes, I feel betrayed, but I'm not upset as I expected, or as he expected. I don't know. Maybe it's the wrong choice, but honestly, I'm not willing to give up on us because of something that I consider so benign. I know we love each other, and that we want to be together in the future. We're sexually compatible, our families love us, even our pets are in on it, his friends love me, mine love him, we communicate well, we're also both very in tune with one another. I knew he was missing me, but I guess I didn't realize how much... The only area in which we struggle is coping with the distance, which neither of us can do anything about right now.
Both of us, during our conversation about the whole situation (I won't call it an argument, because it wasn't), expressed that we felt very lonely most of the time. I'm a very independent person, and it takes a lot for me to be lonely, having lived on my own since I was 17. If I've been in pain and missing him, I can only imagine how he's been feeling. We hadn't been staying in close contact, exactly. We'd go days without hearing each other's voice, and see each other about once a week. The thing that sticks out to me the most about what he said is "I don't want to be lonely, I need you in my life. I need to be with you."
Moving in together right now, though we'd love to, is unfortunately not an option financially. I'd be more than happy to move closer to him, as most of my friends are more in his direction anyway, as well as my family, but the grad school I'm eyeing is closer to where I am now. He and I have iPhones, so we've recently discovered face time, but it's just not the same as being with one another... Though it did really make me smile yesterday to be able to hear his voice and see his face to say goodnight.
I'm not really sure what my question is, exactly. I'm just hoping for some feedback, I guess. I know LDRs are hard. I'd love some tips on how to make this easier for us. (link)
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Dead Long Distance,
I know exactly what you mean, I lived one hour away, 700 miles away, and over 3000 miles away. Naturally each time was for different durations; however, we are still together and no cheating involved.
I think you need to understand that you are looking for an assessment for your situation. Most people in LTR want answers because it is never very clear if you and your companion are headed in the right direction.
There seems to be gaps in your relationship and I want you to understand that first off trust and communication are the foundation in every relationship, if you do not have this, even living together doesn't mean this gap will be bridged. You state you have been cheated on and yet you don't feel too upset, and neither does he. Not always the best sign, or it means both of your acknowledge the mistake from a logic point of view and see a benefit.
LTR to instinct move-in can have downsides, you both need to be open with each with each other, you need to set boundaries because now you both share all common areas.
If you want tips, here they are:
1. Technology - Use FaceTime to visually see each other.
I recommend starting an Instagram profile so that both of you can see what each other is up to and what they are engaged in. Sounds silly, but my girlfriend and I use it to take pictures of food and share the moments in which we are not in contact. This helps us feel close and feel like we are engaged in each others life for a perspective.
2. Make plans - Both of you should make plans to see each other and to try something new when you do. It really does get old to see each other and do the same ole thing. So, make each other want to see each other and build up your relationship with memories.
3. No excuses - Stop making excuses for yourself and for him. Taking responsibility for ones faults builds this trust and allows for honesty and forgiveness. Essential parts of LTR.
4. Include each other in both your lives. Make him do something you are passionate about and then do something his is passionate about. Regardless of what the other person thinks.
5. Romance (if you already engage). Any kind of romance from that cute last minute meal to a planned romantic evening. In LTR, the spark dim and needs to be attended. Or else it doesn't matter if you live together, 1 mile away, or a continent away, this helps keep your connected and happy with each other.
Hope this helps
-CLE247
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I have been freaking out for the past 2 days, i even left school today because i was guna throw up becuase im scared shes pregnant, me and her where just messing around, i was masturbating her and then we wanted to know what if felt like, so i took my penis out and put it on her vagina, i did not put it in, not at all. just touched it. I may have had pre cum on my penis but not positive, we are both virgins, never had sex before nor have i ever put it in her. Shes on birth control for acne which im unsure if it prevents pregnancy, im pretty sure its the same stuff. Im only 16 and i cant handle a child in my life, nor can she. I think im just scaring my self and worrying about nothing but please tell me if im okay and that shes not pregnant, is she pregnant or not?! im really scared and have been feeling sick for the past few days. please help me ):
Please tell me if i should worry or not (link)
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Dear Exploration,
First off, what you are feeling is a very normal concern, especially considering you and your girlfriend and engaging in sexual exploration.
Your expressed concern reflects that you are acting like an adult and are trying to be mature about the situation. My colleagues below have given your terrific information about birth control and condom information.
There is never a 100% guarantee for anything, and it you are this concerned, have her go in or check up just to be safe. Pre-cum does have the potential to carry a small volume of semen and in most cases or pre-cum pregnancy is a result of a man already having ejaculated and there being semen left in the urethra. As you can imagine, if this was the case and the man engaged in intercourse right after, his pre-cum would in fact carry a higher volume of semen.
But like I said, have her get tested to put your mind at ease. Also, take this into consideration for future sexual endeavors. Always wear a condom to minimize the chances of an STD and pregnancy.
Hope this helps.
-CLE247
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A lot has happened to me this past 2 years, and about 4 months ago I occasionally started cutting and making myself throw up. the throwing up has stopped, but the cutting hasnt. Things have been really hard for me :'( I hate being like this. I'm always sad and depressed and the instant I get upset all i think about is a razor blad slicing my arm. I cant help it.. It's almost as if I'm addicted to the pain. I want to get better, but I feel like I can't. What should I do? I have massive anxiety too. Any ideas as to what's wrong with me? :( (link)
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Dear Pain,
Lets start by saying that everyone has problems, right? Now lets follow that up and agree with saying that everyone's personal circumstance makes their situation unique. Everyone in the world has a different finger print, even twins.
You seems to grasp the severity of cutting and it is a good thing that you are asking for help. I want to first explain that no-one here is able to give you the professional service of medically explaining what is going on.
When I was younger, I had a friend who use to cut herself and it got worse as time went by. One time she explained to me that she hasn't had a job for 4 months and is still seeking employment. After the call abruptly ending I went to her house to see that she cut too deep, and as a result I ended up taking her to the hospital. That was a wake up call for everyone, including herself.
She explained that the feeling she experienced far outweigh the feelings of her depression. The pain she felt after she cut herself would last for days and avert her thoughts.
As someone who is invested the in happiness of those around me, I employee you to seek what really makes you happy. I understand that finding something that you really enjoy can be challenging and may feel as though it isn't enough, but find it, find a passion. Become engulfed in this passion and let that steer you to a more healthy future.
I know it sounds like hogwash. And maybe a bit far fetched by give yourself something that you can look forward to, something that is for you and you alone.
I hope this helps stir a few ideas.
-CLE247
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Ok well since grade one iv been teased and mocked and been called a whale and all the lot of it and even at home my mum and dad went threw a divorce and my weird crazy step dad burnt my mums hair off and had thrird degree burns and then I went to foster care and they used to shove us in a room and we werent aloud to come out unless we went to the toilet or for eating and drinking, anyways I never had really nice friends either they use to be my friend one day then not the next day, since primary school iv had depression and then high school came around and I had no friends and had to eat alone all the time and I used to wagg school all the time abd mum tryed getting me to see a councellor but it didnt work and im very self concous all the
time, im not even that fat, im a tiny bit soft around the edges and now I have a bf that loves me for me but cheats and then loves me again, im stuffed up and not sure what to do im near breaking point (link)
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Dear High School Blues.
Whale...Fattie...Dough boy...Pillbury... Porky Pig.. Onwards and so forth! Ever heard the phrase "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"? Well, I am here to tell you that all that is just bogus. Words are the most cruel form of punishment, words break relationships, start wars, and even break people.
Your question and background story show that you have had inconveniences in your life, and that can always be emotionally taxing. Let's break this down a bit. You have a boyfriend who cheats - trust and respect are the foundations of a relationship and clearly he doesn't respect you enough to be loyal and clearly he isn't trust worthy. Life is to short and there are many people out there that are looking for a good relationship, value yourself and be empowered to say I am worth more to myself and my future person.
You say you have friends that like you one day, then they don't. That's not friendship, that's momentary accommodation and not worth your time or your energy.
I wasn't the coolest kid in high school, and I transferred into a high school, so friend making was from the ground up. I was a bit chunky and at one point was called all the names that I listed above.
On to your answer. I personally believe that having someone to talk with is a good thing. A counselor, friend, family member, or anyone that wants to invest in your happiness or success. I suggest your find someone to express these concerns with. You want to make friends right? Start with hobbies that you enjoy, there are people who like the same things, and there are many websites (for example: Meetup) that encourage people of all backgrounds to engage in activities together and make friends. You are not the only person out there feeling this way, trust me. Just remember you must always do what is best for you first, then you can complicate it with the desires of others.
I hope this helps.
-CLE247
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18/F I'm a greeter at Wal-Mart, so I interact with a loooot of different people on a daily basis. Well this one time later at night, this guy who looked to be about 30 and frankly, like a wannabe gangster pot-smoker, came in. I turned around when I heard the automatic door opening and kindly greeted him. He gave me a slight smile and walked past me, but he turned around and said, "You know, you have REALLY pretty eyes. Just thought I'd tell you that." Stunned, I said "Haha, thank you very much! Have a good night." and he walked away. He comes in about 2 or 3 times a week, and ever since he said that, I'd always smile at him when I walked past him, or greet him all friendly-like when he walked in. I just thought he was a nice guy, and I greeted him just like I greet the old people that come in. WELL, tonight I was returning some garlic bread back to where it belongs, when I saw him. So I smile and give a nod as I walk past. Well, I put the bread back, turn around and there he is. He says "Hey, do you have a number I could have so we could get to know each other?" I've never been asked for my number before, and he was so outright, I didn't know what to do. So I said, "Uuuummm... I don't know... How about YOU give me YOUR number?" So he asked if I had a pen and some paper, I said I didn't, but that we might have some up front. I start walking, and he follows me across the whole store to the front. I give him some paper, he rips it in half, writes his number down, and says "Give me your number too." I panicked. I've never dated anyone, let alone been asked out before. He seemed like the type that would call me a ton. SO, I wrote down my dad's old cell phone number which doesn't work anymore. He then asked me if I liked cage fighting. I said "Uh no, not really." and he goes "Well I'm fighting at the arena downtown next week, maybe you can watch one of my fights." and I said "Um, maybe!" then he asked what time I got out of work, to which I said I didn't know. I DEFINITELY didn't want him seeing the car I drive, or possibly have him following me home. He lives in the area, and comes in all the time, and what's worse is I'm a GREETER, so I'd HAVE to talk to him again. I thought about it, and I feel really bad... I probably shouldn't have done that, but I didn't know what else to do! I couldn't just flat out reject him, I see him all the time. After thinking about it, I feel terrible. So I tried to call the number so I could say something like, "Oh sorry, I accidentally gave you the wrong number! Things are complicated, and I'm really not looking for a relationship right now..." or something like that, but his writing's REALLY messy, I can hardly read the numbers they're so squished together, and when I attempted, I got some lady's voice mail. I really wasn't trying to be mean at all. I don't know what to do, or if what I did is right or not... Please help me! Thank you for your time. (link)
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Fake Number,
Thank you for the quirky story and I can assure you that you are not alone. As a front line associate, this was bound to happen, and depending on your tenure as a greeter it is surprising that this has happened before and yet you were caught off guard and "panicked".
First off, it is good that you actually care about what transpired. This instinct alone should have answered your question of "I don't know what to do, or if what I did is right or not"?
Confrontation is something that people deal with on a daily basis, and everyone's level of comfort also varies. Personally, I feel the action you took was not correct and was not very professional. My reasons are: This customer is a repeat customer that you see on a regular basis and he may actually approach you as ask why you gave him the wrong number or he may revisit his original request and ask for your number again. If he shrugs off that you gave him the wrong number, you either have to get creative and lie or tell the truth. The situation you put yourself can also have professional repercussions given he feels insulted.
On a personal note, there is nothing wrong with telling a customer that you are working and the conversation does go against your corporate code of conduct. This sounds ridiculous; however, you are protecting yourself and your business.
Honestly, a business is invested in the welfare and security of their employees, and you should speak with your management if something arises, because there is no way to gauge what kind of person this man is, and your personal security should come first.
I hope this helps.
-CLE247
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