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Have feelings for my flatmate.
19/F/Bi
I moved into my flat at university a week ago, and it didn't take long for awkward feelings to arise. I really fancy one of my male flatmates, let's call him H. When we first met we instantly clicked and got on really well, but for some reason that went away quickly and now we're not very comfortable around each other. I think it's possible this has something to do with the fact that he's very extroverted whilst I'm very introverted.
To make matters worse, I'm also somewhat attracted to one of my female flatmates, N. And N and H have gotten very close and appear more than just friendly to me. They act like they're just friends - and H is actually interested in another girl on campus - but then they'll do things like hold hands in the back of taxis and tell each other they love each other. It seems like it's only a matter of time before something happens between them. I'm just finding it really difficult to watch and to be around them all the time, and yet I want to have some kind of friendship with them.
I think my feelings for H wouldn't be such a big deal were he simply a friend I saw every now and then, but because I live with him, they're intensifying and seem to get stronger each day. I feel like we'd get on very well if given the chance, but as it is, he seems pretty much indifferent to me, and I'm terribly awkward around him.
It seems crazy that all this has happened in the space of a week, but I guess things develop quickly in this kind of environment. I just don't know what to do. Part of me wants to try and pursue H, but a) I don't want to fuck things up with someone I'm going to be living with for a year, and b) I don't even know how I'd go about it. I've been coming to terms with my sexuality for a couple of years, and for a long time I thought I was gay so I started giving off an 'I'm-not-interested' vibe to guys, and I can't stop doing it - so now on the odd occasion that I am interested in a guy, I'm probably still giving that vibe off.
I just really, really like him, and it means I spend a whole lot of time feeling jealous and awkward and upset. And it's starting to get in the way of my being friends with him because I don't know how to act around him.
How would you suggest I deal with this?
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Hello.
Well, first off I'm sorry that this has happened to you. It's really awful to have mixed emotions about someone. In response to your question, I think you should try to get over your flatmate. For 1) Like you said, you guys will be living together for a year and it'll be more than awkward if you guys date and then it doesn't work out so well. For 2) He sounds like he might be a "player/a flirt" and I'm not saying that he is, but that's what it sounds like to me. He is holding hands with 'N' in the backseat of a taxi and telling her he loves her, yet in the beginning the two of you had hit it off, and then you say he's ALSO interested in somebody else on campus. It seems like he can't make up his mind! You might feel jealous and upset now because you have feelings for him and you want to be with him but that would probably not be best for you anyway. I think you should get over him and try to find someone that you can click with instead of making things more increasingly awkward for you and your flatmate. However, overtime the 3 of you; 'N', 'H', and yourself can probably all become good friends.
Hope this helps!
-A.B
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