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Excuses of the way i tick just lost
Since childhood i was made to feel worthless (from father)i was 2nd &reminded of who i wasnt &a glimpse of me would be told off for daring to be someone else but who i tried to be was me.from there i put myself in mysery to fight for my dignaty ,whith handfulls of happiness ,laughing to me is such joy when it happens i relish it.My biggest problem as an adult is i have 5children&apartner &as a family im the leader to outings but any invites to anybody ,i excuse myself ,i have anxiety but its having to communicate that il reherse if its an unbreakable commitment ,&if i let myself be seen mentally i feel a second of relief the shame&anger for lettin my thoughts out why
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Have you ever sought professional help to deal with you past? If issues from the past haunt you, even subconciously, they will hold you back emotionally, psychologially and socially. I was sexually mistreated as a child from the second grade until I was 13 y/o. I never told a living sole. Later, when my oldest child was near the same age that I was when the sexual mistreatment had started with me, I began acting out sexually, not realizing that it was at all related to the fact the my past was coming back to get me because I'd never dealt with it. I was subconciously afraid that my son would have the same experience and also I had tons of guilt and still blamed myself and carried a ton of shame for my past, which I had no control over. I ended up being diagnosed as a sex addict, it cost me my (14 year) marriage, I spent a year in therapy and 9 days on the emotional health unit at the hospital. It's been excutiating but I've began to deal with it. I'm an RN so being admitted to the "Psych Ward" was a scary thought for me. I actually feared that I'd loose my nursing license but let me tell you, it's been the best thing that I could've ever done. I did it for me. I did it for my children. You also need to seek help. Work thru all that old stuff so you can be the best father to those beautiful children that you can be. You are obviously sincere about getting help or you wouldn't have posted your question on here. Just take that step. You wont regret it. TRUST ME.
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