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Credit
So, this goes back to when I was like 16 or 17 and I got my first debit card. It was a simple little check card where I could put my money in... the little money that I had lol. Well, I remember going on this trip back in high school and when I got back and checked my bank account, I saw -$600 something dollars. That is NEGATIVE SIX HUNDRED SOMETHING DOLLARS. I was freaking out. Plus, I didn't even have a credit card or credit or anything like that. I was still in high school and wasn't even 18 yet, so I couldn't apply for a credit card. I thought this would affect me when I did want to apply for one, which wasn't so far away. I asked her what had happened? Why had my account been overdrawn?! I never even used that card. It was like a savings account. She replied, "How did you think we were going to go on that trip?" As far as I've heard, that's never been taken care of. When I was 18, and had just started college, I opened up a new account at what was Wachovia at the time (Wells Fargo). They mentioned that they did a search on me and that something came up about my old bank (bank of america). I said I didn't know what they were talking about because my mom said that they would take care of it. I asked my mom about it after and she's like "don't worry about it." So, I didn't worry about it.
The prom dress story is another one. I had gotten this dress for my winter prom back in high school. Actually, my mom had gotten it for me. Then, I started to get these phone calls saying that I had given a check that bounced back and I was going to get arrested. I had detectives calling me and the store calling me saying that they were sending the police. I didn't know what they were talking about. I was scared. Then, I found out that my mom wrote a check in my name! And no one ever even bothered to CARD HER?! I was 17 at the time... so, I was a minor, I don't even know if that's legal. So, finally, they found out the culprit and she took care of it. She just had to go to this one day class... kind of like traffic school but for finances.
About a year later, I got my very own credit card that was for a students. So, it didn't have that big of a limit. Maybe like $800. I totally forgot about the old bank thing. I figured it was taken care of since my credit was approved. Then, I opened up credit cards at different department stores so that I could build credit. I never used them. I just activated them and that's it. But, I don't like to use them because their CREDIT CARDS. Soon, I see my mom rushing to get statements in and really worried. What happened? It turns out she used my macy's credit card and victoria's secret and started buying things like crazy. She was using my main credit card too. Then, I tried opening accounts and I was getting denied. I was really worried, because I this point, I wasn't even 20 yet and she was ruining my credit. I asked her why my credit card with a limit of $800 had been maxed out? The only thing I had ever used it for was to pay for gas, because I didn't have enough money on me and I really needed gas. Those are the kind of emergencies you use a credit card for. Then she mentioned that another time we went somewhere, she had used my credit card to pay for tickets to a theme park.
At the time, I wasn't working. My mom had volunteered to pay for my credit cards. The reason why is because I am very responsible and never used them. I only had them to build credit. I only agreed to get my own credit card in the first place for emergencies. She knows that I would never spend money on the credit card because I'd be too scared lol. Then, she couldn't pay for the credit card on time or enough, and they lowered my limit. I'm getting declined on everything. They took away the Macy's credit card... AND I'M NOT EVEN BUYING THINGS!
Now, I'm graduating from college and marriage is around the corner. How am I going to fix all of this?! The only credit that I'VE ever used is my credit card TWICE IN THE PAST FOUR YEARS to pay for gas. And the only loan I've ever taken out was for school. I don't want my mom to go to jail. She's been through a lot and lost her job and I guess she thought that was her life line. She made a mistake but she's only human and she loves me. Now, I'm working part time and starting my career in 90 days! I already have a job waiting for me when I graduate. But, this is really serious. We're talking about thousands of dollars here... dating back to high school. What can I do?
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You MUST hold your mom responsible for this. It's unlikely that she'll have to go to jail. There are a few reasons that you have to do this. The number one reason is because she needs help. She needs serious help and she's not going to get it if you keep facilitating her addiction and behavior. It's so unfortunate, but at this point you have to think of it as if you've reversed roles. You need to act like the adult parent here because she is acting like a child. No parent should do this to their child no matter what the financial circumstances are. Do not ever make excuses for her like "it must have been her life line". No. She has a serious addiction and it has to be treated as such. You have to do the hard thing here and hold her responsible so that she can get help. It's in her best interest as well as yours. If you ignore what she's done and believe that she won't do it again, you'll have problems for the rest of your life. The other thing you need to do is protect yourself. How is she getting your cards/accounts? Make sure that she can't. Change your social security number if you have to. Speak to a professional to see what needs to be done to protect your identity from her. Keep everything under lock and key. Again, you have to treat this like it's a drug addiction. My advice to you is to talk to a lawyer. Tell the lawyer what's going on and find out what you can do. The lawyer will work with you to clean up your name, make sure that your mom doesn't go to jail, and try to get your mom the major help that she needs so she can live a happy, healthy life. I wish you the best of luck and even though it's going to be hard, a lot of the time in life, the hardest thing to do is also the RIGHT thing to do. You may have to see your mom suffering, but wouldn't that be okay if in the end she could be content within herself? I'm sure she doesn't want to be screwing up your life and whatever inner problems she has, you can help her to heal.
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