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how to be tough again
its a big issue in my life. im 14/f and my life has/had crumbled down and im trying to really rebuild it. my dad i thought was this good guy my mom bashing him now i actually get it and im started to get pissed off of how the way hes treated me. im not going into the details of how it got so bad but it had to do with divorce. now i just wanna be a kid. i just want to be me. i want to really really really really in all my life help myself. i go to therapy once evrey 2 weeks it helps. i want to be able to say what i wanna say when i wanna say it to who i want to thats how i was before, and not to sugar coat it and not walk on egg shells. i want my confidence back..is that too much to ask for? becauase then i know everything i want will fall into place. sometimes im worried of feelings and reactions and all these other things but before i wouldnt give two shits if i made a mistake i would say i made a mistake. now i cant. i dont know why but its just hard to get through it and i want to wholy be me again. i want my voice back. im trying to workout again like lifting weights. im skinny i do socccer but i wanna get more fit and eat healthy i guess theres a start. but can anyone help if they went through something similar or just advice? thanksss
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I don't know what the situation is with your dad or what the reason was for the divorce. If you are not seeing your dad and you're only seeing your mom, that's probably a lot of the issue. If he was abusive or something then stay completely away from him, but if it was something else like cheating, money, or some other reason, it is important to have a father in your life. He's not a perfect person and I'm sure he could've been a better father, but that male parental influence in your life is important. Plus, if you're only hearing all this crap from your mom, what does your dad think? There are two sides to a story and maybe he messed up, but if you're only hearing about it from your mom, you're not going to understand his side. Even if he was totally wrong, he's your dad and again, unless he was abusive, you should work to try to forgive him and spend time with him. At least try to understand him. As for what else should happen in the meantime, you need to tell your mother to stop talking about your dad like that in front of you. It's not healthy and it's not something you should have to listen to or deal with. There's just no need for it. She needs to find someone else to talk to if she needs to talk about it. It's unfair for her to lay this all on you and it's part of what is changing you. She needs to stop this. It's not your problem. The other thing I have to tell you is that this was a big event in your life. It is going to have an effect on you and you are going to change. You can be the person you want to be, but you can't be exactly the same as you were before. It is going to take time for you to heal from this. You may not like how you're acting and you may not have that great of a life for a little while. In time, though, you will pull through this and you will recover. You can then be what you want to be. Right now though, you're going to be a little messed up. It isn't fair, but know that you will get over this and you will heal. You'll be the person that you want to be, just be patient for now. Good luck and please try to remember how, even though he may have done something wrong, it's important to have your dad in your life and it's important to stand up to your mom and tell her to stop bashing him in front of you. She's hurting and she's going through a lot, but the last thing that she wants is to hurt you further and what she is doing is hurting you, whether you know it or not.
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