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Why do I have such huge intimacy issues?
It sucks because I'd love to have a boyfriend or a best friend but it seems so out of reach and out of my control. I'm 18 and it's just embarrassing that I haven't experienced such things and I feel depressed over it. I don't think it could be my looks, cause being totally honest I think I look good. The only thing I want to change is my weight, cause I'm slightly overweight, according to my BMI, but it's hard to get motivated to work out and eat healthy when I feel depressed over my adolescence. I'm 18 but I don't even feel like an adult, really. I just feel like curling into a ball and hiding away from everyone. It's hard to even get motivation to clean my room. But my mom exaggerates my room being messy when I think my mental state is far more important than clothes being on the floor. My mom took away my laptop for not cleaning my room, so I have to use the one in the study room, but it's annoying because I'd rather just lock myself up in my room all day, and only leave to get food. It's pathetic but I don't know how to change. I just feel like my life has been going downhill since I was 6 and my family moved here to America from England. Last year I thought was the worst year of my life but this is, and it shouldn't have been, as it was my final year of high school. But there's absolutely nothing good about these past 2 school years, except the concerts I went to, and the two times I got to travel overseas. Everything else was total crap and I blame myself, cause I think it's mainly my fault, so I don't know why I'm causing soo much pain to myself. and then there's other issues I have to worry about, like race, because for some stupid reason most people aren't colorblind and a lot of people believe racial stereotypes and are racist in a way, when, as someone who's lived in 3 continents, I see the world as my home and I'd never not try to be friends with someone because of their ethnicity because I don't think that way at all. we're all individuals. but I've had some fake friends, like some people who used me and then if I saw them in the hallway they wouldn't even acknowledge me. what the hell? I find it hard to trust people. I even have trouble sharing really personal things with the therapist I just got. I'm just afraid. I criticize myself so I don't want someone else to criticize me for things I'm already worrying about. And I hate how I only get to see her once a week cause I feel like seeing her everyday. There's so much pain I just keep inside. And then I feel guilty, too, cause there's people who have way less than me who are happy and here I am moping about, so why can't I just be happy and move on?? I'm just so mad because I'm such a mess right now and I don't know how I'm going to be able to break free of this and be able to reach my dreams.
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trust me i know how you feel about wanting things wishing,dreaming about so many things and nothing happens.I always blamed myself i always looked for help but i realized that all i needed was a friend and to not feel alone.All i needed was time take things through. i finally feel good about myself! i think nothing you said is your fault it's just a part of life.You just have to live with people making life suckish but if you prove to people that your not what they think you are and feel motivated,get goals.i'm sure you could get somewhere. I know you said you didn't have anyone or felt motivated i know that feeling. If you want to became friends email me i'm a great listener. hope i helped(:
mntsrrtm@gmail.com
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In my unprofessional opinion, it doesn't sound to me like you have intimacy issues so much as you may have a chemical unbalance resulting in mood disorder and anxiety .
My first thoughts reading this were " whoa what an interesting person, I bet she would be fascinating to talk to!
Honestly it's rare to meet a person who has lived on 3 different continents, let alone someone from England.,
For those reasons alone you have allot to offer.
I too have spent allot of time( quite honestly my life) isolating off to my happy place and that is asleep/ checked out from reality, only getting up to eat and use the bathroom I use to turn this activity into marathon sessions with my longest run being a month straight.
Never really knowing why I felt sad, just knowing that no one would ever understand what I was going through especially me!
I know alot of people's response would be "
How can someone with " everything" be depressed?, I don't buy it!!
People say this sort of thing to me all the time about other people, and I know there's nothing I can say to make them understand, you would have had to lived this lifestyle, and or been consumed by what it has to offer.
I have never been to a Doctor for it, part of me doesn't want to give it up, it's my escape from reality, and the only way I know how to cope in life.
I remember this behavior somewhat defining a huge part of who I am from about the age of 6, which was about the same time my brother was killed.
I have anxiety pretty bad.
I suffer from night terrors and have since I was ...........very little aprox- 4-6
I am a drug addict and an alcoholic.
This of what you speak is something that weighs on my mind all the time, something I need to address, something I always find time to allow to consume me, but never time to address the underlying issues?
My guess is because the underlying issues are for mature people with coping skills, people that live and grow and move forward in life with some kind of acceptance and willingness to feel the joy as well as the pain so they can grow.
This person is not me, all I want to do is not be told what to do, I like to have fun with a guarantee that no suffering will come from my actions
When something happens in my life , for instance the death of my Father, I completely lose it and realize how unstable and messed up I am.
I couldn't even take phone calls or talk about it for almost 3 years without having a melt down.
I'm stuck, because I've done nothing to address these issues
My Mother is now 83, you can guess what type of worries my days are consumed with, and how I fear for my own self when that dreadful day should come..
I'm lazy, I thought all my feelings of loneliness and despair would disappear someday and I would waltz off into the sunset being cheered on by admirer's from everywhere!
The further I get from that being reality, the more I want to sleep.
The more I want to sleep and isolate the more I want to push people away.
I'm now 48 years old.
Please keep searching, talking and reach out to others to get through your feelings.
Know that your worth more then anyone else and treat yourself accordingly,
It took me up until 2 years ago to figure all of this out,
I've always known something was wrong me and felt I was different, but couldn't pin point itl.
Your doing all the right things,, and I know you will keep on doing all the right things, just keep it moving in the right direction, and quit being so danm hard on yourself please!
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Its not huge intimacy issues you have, it's trust issues. You're afraid that if you get really close to someone and have them be your shoulder to lean on they're gonna tell the whole world your problems. I have the same problem, and because of this you on some level don't trust your therapist but you know that you need her. Don't be embarrassed that you haven't had a boyfriend yet! Plenty of my friends have recently turned 18 and they're still waiting on their first kiss. There's nothing wrong with that it just means that you're holdin out for the right person to have that first intimate moment with. As for the whole weight thing I find that if you set one day aside for yourself and really look hard at yourself in the mirror and you seriously don't like what you see start then and there. Don't just go back to your bed and say how much you hate how you look you use that whole day to come up with a plan on how you're going to lose a few pounds to get to your ideal BMI, and you start the plan in the same day. Have a healthy breakfast, walk instead of catch the bus, grab fruit snacks or cereal bars instead of crisps and chocolate, do a few sit ups and squats and press ups instead of being bored and pointlessly flicking through the channels. Force youself to make a change because no one else is going to do it for you. I don't have to suffer abusive racial comments but I do have to suffer abusive homophobic commers and have been for the past 4 years and will for the rest of my life and the sooner you come to this realisation the better. There are always gonna be people who are ingnorant and stupid and think they're comments are funny when in fact they're hurtful derogatory and just plain wrong. But we can't change those people. I seems like quite a few of your problems actually stem from you being couped up inside your house. It sounds to me like you feel trapped and it's making you delressed because you feel like you can't escape everything you're feeling. You should go out more, cycle round your local lark, go for long walks, cinema, theatre, arcade, anything! I hardly ever left my house and always felt down and as soon as I started to agree to go out I felt a lot happier. Maybe make one day at the end of each week a day that you go out, it would give you something to look forward to. Don't think about other people's problems - focus on your own. It doesn't matter how hard other people have it right now it matters how hard you have it. Part if me feels like you're not allowing yourself to move on because you're scared of what will happen if you put yourself out there. You have to believe in yourself be able to live halppily and move on. Continue those councelling sessions, tell her everything, air every last problem you have with her And you'll start to see a change.
AskSinz.
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hey, you know what, it's not your fault if you can't find a true friend or a bf. you don't have to blame yourself for the things that are happening in your life. just be yourself and let people like you for who you are. don't worry too much about things that your not suppose to worry about cause it'll just stress you out. put your mind to something else that would make you happy. i'm sure that at the right time you'll find that special someone who will love you, and that best friend whom you could tell everything to. right now, you should just really tell your therapist what your going through and how you feel. don't just keep it all inside of you,let it out and i a sure you telling your problems to someone who can help you is a big relief. stay strong and enjoy life :)
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