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Low self esteem/ADD ruining my life
I am a 19 year old girl and am a freshman in college. Throughout my teenage years I have become more and more insecure about myself, less motivated because of my lack of being able to focus, and pretty much just feel my future is hopeless. I know that deep down I could do something great with my future, but I cannot seem to actually to sit down and do my work. I know that this is no excuse as to why I shouldnt be able to achieve my goals in life, but I honestly really feel that i cant..it is very difficult for me to understand things which is why I guess I hold everything off until the last minute/dont do it. I am a huge procrastinator and sometimes psychically feel incapable of completing a task that I feel i cannot do, even though if i tried i maybe could. I am so sick of it. It makes me feel like an idiot. i dont know whats wrong with me why cant i just fucking sit down and do my work. My boyfriend does not make the situation any better..he just told me that me doing bad in school aggrivates him and is a turn off, but I dont think he understands how difficult it is for me. He is very smart and has no patience for me and when I am upset about something that is deeply stressing me out, he gets angry at me and tells me I need to deal with it because everyone has to deal with it and that he is not going to "baby me." where as I feel for him to make the situation better, he should be comforting me. I am at the point where I feel I suck at life and that I am a useless failure. The only things i am good at are playing guitar and doing art/writing. i struggle with my school work and feel im not smart enough to do certain things. My close friends and family tell me I am gifted and smart but my boyfriend and others who dont know me think im stupid because it is hard for me to comprehend things easily. it makes me feel very bad about myself and I cry about it everyday. i know I sound like a whiny baby but sometimes I feel the only way to feel better is to express myself to others and reach out for advice. I am also struggling with my self esteem because of my boyfriend. he is my first boyfriend and we have been togethor for almost a year. at times he can be very sweet and loving, but other times he is very nasty to me and has the "i dont care" attitude. he basically makes us have sex everyday and if sometimes i say no because i dont feel like it, he makes me feel very bad and ignores me and tells me that next time i want to have sex he will say no, so that i will see how it feels. but i dont think that is fair because he wants to have sex all the time so why should i have to do something im not comfortable with...he doesnt think it is wrong of him. i am beginning to get fed up with him and how he treats me but i feel like i cant break up with him because then i will have nothing. i spend about 85% of my time with him. and i love him still for some reason. sorry about the length of this
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
I have problems with my self esteem too. But what helps me is to say one nice thing about yourself everyday and see how many you can come up with. Don't be hard on yourself. Nobody is perfect! Everybody, including you, has something beautiful that's a part of them.
As for your boyfriend, I think you need to stand up to him. Tell him that he needs to treat you better. NO GUY SHOULD EVER TREAT YOU BADLY NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HIM. Don't you ever forget that.
And for motivation and school work, don't try to do things all at once. First have the self control to make yourself start on whatever you have to do and take periodic breaks to refresh. This will also help with the quality of your work. Think about it this way, say you have a project due in a week. What most people would do is wait until the night before and throw something together a few hours and get something that looks okay because of the feelings that you don't want to do it and your tired and stuff like that. But, if you take a little time to work on it everyday and really put effort for say the 30 minutes each day that you spend on it, then you get to see progress and you won't be in a rush therefore making you quality of the project better. You'll be proud of something that you turn in. I totally understand about procrastination, but it really comes down to how much self control you have to make sure that you don't wait until the last minute. Tell yourself that you can do it.
If your good at the guitar and art/writing and you enjoy it, maybe you could try doing more activities that involve those things. Like you could find sheet music for your favorite song and learn it on the guitar. I'm a musician and that's one thing that always makes feel better. Or you could try letting other people read some of the things that you write. There are several websites, one in specific that you can use for a little while is teenink.com and there you can post any genre of your writing and other people read it and comment/rate it. There are also online writing contests that you can enter for free. Just try it, even if you don't win, it can give you a feeling of accomplishment for being able to do it in the first place.
Don't tell yourself that you aren't smart. Everybody is smart in some kind of way, some people just struggle with it, but if you're able to overcome that it just goes to prove how smart you really are. You are not a useless failure because you care enough to reach out and try to get help so you can do better in life. There's your motivation. Prove those people you think that you aren't smart wrong. And don't forget to reward yourself for your achievements. It always help with the motivation :)
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