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Is it okay to feel this way?
For the past two days, I've had this extreme longing to tell my boyfriend that I want to have a future with him. I was trying to tell him all night on Friday, but every time we stopped kissing and had a silence, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Yesterday, we went on a picnic by the bay and went for a walk downtown. We went into a secluded area and kissed, and I knew this was the time to say it. He held me close and I put my mouth close to his ear, and he could tell I was hesitating on something. "You're thinking..." he said. He always knows me so well. I told him I had something to say, but the words were stuck in my throat. "Are you breaking up with me?" he asked. I managed to choke out, "No...it's the complete opposite." He looked up and stood up and hugged me tight and said, "You know we can't do that now." I could feel tears rimming my eyes. I was disappointed in myself. I wanted to tell him how much I love him and how much he makes me so happy and how much I want him in my future, but I couldn't bring myself to say it. I was too anxious. I wanted it to be special, but I was so cowardly and now he knows and my surprise confession is ruined. I feel selfish and stupid. I cried when he dropped me off home. I was just so intent on telling him face to face. It was so much easier in my imagination. Am I right to act like this? Is it okay to feel disappointed and upset that I ruined my own surprise?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
It's perfectly fine to want a future with your boyfriend. If he makes you feel bad about your feelings, he isn't worth it. You aren't selfish or stupid, and he's probably just as nervous as you are.
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