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Patronizes Everything I Say..How to Cope?
We've been married 18 years, the last two have been difficult, and getting worse. Leaving is a last resort due to the financial and business obligations we have together. I know I am cold and distant, and don't want to be this way, but I just can't make myself warm up to my husband anymore. It's small things, and big things,things he does and doesn't do that make me crazy with anxiety. For instance one of them is belittling everything I say, he is against everything..and we need to be partners. We both work full time and also have a labor intensive farm business. I do most all of the work and he doesn't pull his weight, with that or anything really. Nothing is ever his fault, and I am never right. Counseling is not an option, he won't go and we can't afford it anyway. Any suggestions?
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You don't say how long this has been going on. Married 18 years I'm sure your marriage didn't start out this way but has either degraded over a period of time, or has done so in a shorter more recent period of time.
In either case since counseling is not an option I will suggest you have your husband see his doctor. Your husband sounds a little bit like I was before I was diagnosed with depression. There are more factors that need to be considered in screening for depression but you have hit on at least two if them. This alone is worth having your husband screened for this illness.
While he is at the doctors also ask the doctor to check your husbands testosterone levels. The 18 year length of your marriage puts him in the age group were he could be loosing testosterone another cause for how he is acting and clinical depression symptoms.
Nothing says I am right or I am wrong. I'm not a doctor and I cannot make a diagnoses even if I was without examining your husband. If my uneducated guess is correct; either problem can be resolved with medication.
As far as the depression another guess would be what is called clinical depression. This is more a medical problem, not unlike diabetes where the body is not producing enough of one or both of the chemicals that help us keep depression in check. This is usually brought on by stress. I can see where running a farm business is very stressful.
His not pulling his weight as you said may be his way of coping with the pain and the other things a defence mechanism. I could be entirely wrong but before you throw the marriage out the window as some may advise. Have you husband see a doctor and be screened as I suggest.
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