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Feeling guilty
I am in a relationship of seven months with a girl, whom i met on internet. She fell deeply in love me, and we started dating. She have strong feelings for me, she loves me as if i am her god.
In the begining i was not attracted to her very much, infact i dont felt like getting closer with her. But after a certain time i started liking her. And to be very true, i am not deeply in love with her.
FYI, i live in a culture where parents decide the bride/groom for their children. SO, i talked to my family and they went to see her and her family. My parents said that the girl is nice, but her family and relatives are illiterate. And this girl is not good educated, whereas i am an engineer. So, i said her that it wont work, and we should break up.
Now, i am feeling guilty of breaking her heart. Is my guilt right, and shall i blame myself for this? please comment.
Denis
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Dear Denis,
It's hard to say. I see both sides of the story here and I'm having difficulty with what exactly to tell you. You said in your culture the parents pick your bride so in a sense you are following culture. However on the other hand did you really care for this girl? Did she make you happy? Could you see a future with her? If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions then you may have made a mistake. Of course no one likes breaking anyone's heart except if you are heartless yourself but by the way you wrote this question you care.
Now I'm not religious whatsoever but there is a prayer that has a line it saying 'to accept the things I cannot change'. We come in to contact with all sorts of people from every walk of life. Sometimes as humans we judge is it fair? Not necessarily but its what we do. Okay so the girl isn't well educated that doesn't mean she can't make you happy. It doesn't mean she is any less of a person. There are things that my boyfriend does that drive me crazy but I accept them and move on. I'm in love with my boyfriend and he has faults and he'll be the first to admit it. Heck I'm sure I have a thousand things that bug him about me but at the end of the day he accepts me for who I am.
You can't blame yourself entirely for this. With your culture you have your parents pick out a suitable spouse. What does your heart tell you though? Go with what your heart says. I'm telling you right now I almost lost someone so important to be because of a irrational decision I made. It's how important this is to you and it's what you want in life. Good luck and happy holidays!
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