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i dont know how to tell them i still want to die?
im 15 i`m in my in my final year of school 4 and a half years ago i started cutting myself wen my mum got attacked and confined to a wheel chair a year ago i found out my dad wasnt my dad it was actually a bipolar drug addict who beat my mum and forgot i had been born...just under a year ago i tried to kill my self my friends and family think im better but in fact i want to die more than ever i know i should tell them but i just cant they will send me back in to counciling and the process will repeat its self every time i cut they gt deeper and i know i wont be strong enough to control my self when things get to much i dont know what to do anymore i just need help. what should i do?i hate my self and my life but i dont want to hurt them i cant stand the thought of puting them though what happened last time im desparate please please help.what should i do ?
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I honestly understand how you feel to an extent. My childhood was full of pain and much suffering. I too attempted to end my life, but realized, just because I have it bad, doesn't mean that I have to give up. My father isn't my father, my mother doesn't even know who he is. I was abused in many ways. I didn't want to go to counseling, but because (I'm not afraid to admit it) of the suicidal thoughts and the wishes for death, I knew I needed to get help. I don't want to die, at least not so early in life. You HAVE to be strong, and realize your life is NOT worth ending. You can be so much more. When you feel the urge to cut, do what I transferred to, bite yourself until you can get help. Yes, bite yourself. It's safer than cutting, and you aren't losing anymore blood and you won't be damaging your skin. I regret cutting in the past honestly, because now I have many of these awful scars, but they are also there to remind me with the pain and suffering I went through, which only in the end, made me stronger. I'm sure you've heard these things a lot, but honestly, life is already too short as it is, and you don't get to live the same life twice. Get help. I did and honestly I feel much better. They have medicines that help. The only problem is with some of them, they could make you wish more for death, that's when you call your doctor IMMEDIATELY and get put on something new. Just fight the urge to wish yourself harm. And you won't hurt anyone saying "I need to get help, I don't like feeling this way." I said that to my mate and he was upset, but also happy that I knew I needed the help. Because you're only hurting them more not getting help, as well as yourself. Believe it or not, but even if you don't talk about it, someone already knows something is wrong, and they are hurting not knowing what it is or what to do to help you. There is NOTHING wrong with seeking professional help, and if you are embarrassed about people finding out, don't be. Especially with today's economy, many people are seeking help. Some for the wrong reasons, but many to keep their lives and sanity.
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