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How do I stop worrying about my dad?
A few years ago my parents split after 20+ years of dating/marrige because my mom cheated on my dad. I stayed with my dad because I refuse to meet the other guy let alone live with him, I'll also always have some sort of hatred for her for breaking up the family. But that's beside the point.
Anyway, it seems like this year, I've started to worry about my dad's health/life a lot more than I dd before. It may be because I'm the only woman in the house now and I've sort of taken my mothers place when it comes to making sure he's eating enough, etc.
Every single time my dad leaves the house, I'm terrified. I'm terrified he's going to get into a car accident and die. He's been in a motorcyle accident once but then just left him with a broken collarbone. If he wasn't wearing a helment, however, he would have died.
Anyway, it seeems like the world tries to shove this fear in my face and make it worse. Practically every time he goes out, about 10/20 minutes later a police car/ambulance will go speeding down the highway with lights/siren on in the direction he was heading to. And I can't help but think the worst.
Also, when I text him any questions or things I have to tell him and he doesn't answer for a few hours, I think the worst.
This constant fear is really stressful. I'm sure a part of it drives from the fact that if anything were to happen to him, I would be forced to live my my mother and the other man which I absolutely refuse to. But being underage (17) I would be forced to.
How can I stop this worrying? I understand that there's always a possibly of something happening. But how can I stop the thought from taking over my mind?
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This is a very gentle-hearted question you ask here. First of all, I applaud you for your love and kindness you have already shown to your Dad. I am sure he loves you and appreciates you very much.
Now, to deal with your problem. First off, you should know that it is normal to worry about the ones we care so strongly about. In the past few years, you have grown to care for him in ways you never felt you had to before. The more you care for him, the more you will worry. There is nothing wrong with that.
Now, much like any other muscle, fear is one that gets strengthened the more we use it. The more we indulge in it, the more scared we become. When your Dad walks out the door, your heart starts racing and increases adrenalin. Suddenly, you notice the sirens and lights. Just like how when you were 14 and babysitting, every little noise scares you way bad or something. Most of it is in your head, increased by the amount of adrenalin which makes you more aware of these things.
That's all well and good, but now, let's help calm your troubled heart! Literally, we want to start with your heart. When your Dad leaves, or when other anxious thoughts come up, slowly breathe, focus on the air moving through your longs. Calm your heart. If you like to do yoga, read, run, etc, now would be a great time! Release your stress! Try to do this any time you feel those creeping thoughts. Not only will this give you an outlet for stress, but it will also lower your adrenalin, and make you far less startled from the world around you.
Other than that, sounds like you should have a talk with your dad. Try not to worry him at all, just tell him that you really care about him and you get nervous when he is out! He probably feels the exact same way about you and can give you pointers. Maybe, you can even work out a routine of text messages or phone calls so you feel less stressed about not hearing for them. At least you will know when he is free to talk.
Lastly, don't forget to always tell your dad how much you love him! He sounds like a wonderful man, and he deserves all the love you show him! So say "I love you" a little more and squeeze those hugs just a little tighter. Time will never stop, so enjoy the present as much as possible!
Best wishes! Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions!
ariannekp :)
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