|
thanksss!
Glad I’m normal about something-…and that being repressed.
And what do you mean I’m wrong. The “hot” girls always get whoever they want, because all guys go to the hot ones it’s so shallow but true. I’m probably the most depressed you can possibly be. Do guys even care what’s in the inside of a woman? Do they see anything past a woman’s face? I DO!
It is scary how one person can hurt you so much, I want to refrain from guys because of the hurt they cause me but that isn’t the answer to happiness either.
Thanks for all the advice you’ve been giving me, even though you’ve repeated some parts to me, I needed to hear it again and again, sorry if it’s annoying for you.
And the 26 year old was already forgotten after he said I’m just looking for “play”. A friendly hey is all I want to keep that at.
I might be falling for this tutor. Is this wrong? I fall in so easy nowadays, and from a crush it just gets worse. I saw him a couple times around school, and when he was sitting outside class. He seems the quite type because he sat outside his class looking down and staring at his legs, and I saw him like that a couple times, but then when he talks to me while he’s tutoring he is totally open and talks. He’s a student as well, and he’s nice, and makes jokes like how he doesn’t have friends, I don’t know if he’s kidding. And I just smile. When I’m with someone one on one even if I think he’s cute I can talk, maybe I say dorky things sometimes or get nervous but im able to make convo but then when it’s a group im scared of i dont know what. And today I kept putting my writing skills down and he was like don’t make yourself down, and he was like I suck at writing papers too. And hes like you should write mine. And I was like what do you mean you’re good and how are you a tutor if you suck? And he’s like i dont know they just picked me up off the street. I asked him to give my paper a grade and he wouldn’t, he just kept saying im not a teacher and how he would give everyone A’s. Haha he made me smile. Something I don’t do a lot of anymore. I dont know, I keep thinking about him and smiling. Hes a tutor not a teacher, he’s really sweet, and tan, he’s different I don’t know why he jokes about himself the way he does but I like his personality, he makes me laugh. He puts himself down when I say something to put myself down. I don’t know what that means. i like the way laughter feels a lot. I said I suck at English and he heard it and said no you don’t. am I crazy? Is this wrong? I told a couple of my girlfriends and they told me im crazy and have bad taste, but hes quite cute, cause he seems interesting and completely different, unlike the guys that act like tools or Hollister walking billboards.
Thanks so much, you made me tear more than smile, but it was good tears. The things you said was really sweet and I appreciate it, trust me. I’m glad I decided to message you in the first place; you’ve done a lot for me. You just know me from the internet and for you to say those things means a lot.
Oh and anytime I need courage, can I come back here and message you? I don’t want to annoy you, but if it’s okay by you please let me know.
thanks witty,
annashae
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You'd be surprised how often hot girls can't get who or what they really want. Here's the thing, a hot girl is guaranteed attention but alot of the time that attention is not the attention they want. How would you like a boyfriend who didn't give a shit what you had to say or think but just wanted you to look pretty, be agreeable, and be sexual for him?
Probably wouldn't be too thrilled.
Here's the thing about attraction. You see hot girls get what they want and you think it's because they're hot. What it really is is that they are confident because they're hot, because others make them feel valued and it's easier for them to enter social situations without any fear or anxiety as to how they will be perceived. Even when a hot girl is a shitty person someone will treat her like she is attractive and so it becomes easier to not care when one person dislikes you because you know that somewhere out there are more people who won't feel the same.
Alot of this has to do with personality which comes from alot more than just being confident because you're hot.
Ever seen a guy who wasn't stunning with a girl who was, as many would put it, "out of his league"? Even though he doesn't look great he has the confidence to still be himself and not be afraid of people or their judgments, and so the good qualities shine enough that someone takes a fancy to him.
That works both ways. Girls who are confident, assertive, and fun to be around attract guys because they make others feel good about themselves just by interacting with them. The awkwardness melts away eventually and the increased social interaction gives them practice being themselves around others and getting others to like them.
Neither my wife or I are the most physically attractive people in the world. But neither of us have ever had a problem with dating because we both have innate self confidence that we are worthwhile and that has attracted others to each of us because even in a group of hot people once mouths are opened we stand out in a crowd. After all our talks I'm sure you can understand why shortly after people get to know me they tend to like me. It's nowhere near universal, I rub some people the wrong way or they rub me the wrong way and dislike forms, but I have a core group of friends who think I'm an awesome person because I (some of the time) think I'm an awesome person and that lets me relax a bit and be myself, and allow others to be themselves and then we're all having fun around each other.
That's what you need to work towards. Spend more time with friends having fun. Learn to relax, and develop some core friendships who you can depend on and who care about you as much as you care about them. Friends you can go out and do stuff with (like meeting guys and partying and stuff) and who will help you be more open and gregarious than you are naturally at this point.
You mentioned the answer to happiness, the real answer here is to be happy with or without a guy, just in and of yourself. Friends help with this, because when you have a life and go out and have fun, people notice. It makes you more attractive, and more importantly, approachable.
Remember anti-social? That's not all about being unattractive. People can be actively interested and you will never know because when you are so closed up they have a hard time coming up and talking to you. When you look uncomfortable it's hard to know what to say to change that, so people often don't know where to start with talking to you. You need to learn how to invite interaction, and the only real way to do that is to go out and interact, practice, and get better at it.
And it won't be that easy. I found my wife and I hung on for dear life. She has a vibrant personality, a great sense of humor, is as smart as I am if not smarter, and meets all my standards for someone who I want to spend a life with. You may not have thought about it, but at heart you have high standards too, and not everyone is going to meet them. Not every guy is going to be deep enough for you to actually like, not every guy is going to be grounded enough or mature enough.
That just means you need to meet and interact with even more people, rather than less.
Focus on friends, for now. Develop some hobbies that you can do in a group and work on spending time with people who like you who you can go out and be social with.
As for the tutor, say something. Stutter it out, write it out before hand if you have to so you know what you want to say before hand. Keep it short and simple, ask him if he'd like to go get dinner and see a movie with you or something, find out a common interest and see if you can do something about it together.
But don't "fall". Not yet. Don't build him up too much before you've even flirted and definitely not before you've gotten to know him outside of the tutor/tutoree setting. When you like someone who you haven't actively gotten to know in the personal sense and start building up emotions it generally turns out bad. It's not really love (we covered this) and it gets in the way and creates expectations before you even really know what to expect from them.
Just assert yourself. Ask him out. Get to know him. Take a chance. If he says no, tell him he's an awesome tutor and you'd still love to get his help, and give him your phone number in case he changes his mind on the dating part, then just let it go.
Keep your chin up. There's more to who you are as a person than most people are getting to see because you're so shy and worried about how people see you. Keep that in mind when you feel like no one wants you, because it's not like these people know all about you and are making informed decisions. They haven't got a clue, and you need to work on being less scared of being social so that they can start to get one. So you can too, come to that.
Remember how you laugh and smile around the tutor, how things flow so much better and how you feel good just from being around him. Work on being that way more often, not just around guys you like but around everyone. A smile is worth alot to people, it lets them know that you like having them around or being around them. Smile more, and work on your own internal attitudes so that you don't feel so down on yourself that you don't feel like smiling until someone takes the little cloud hovering over your head away.
And write whenever. Sometimes I don't check the website and sometimes you ask questions I think about after reading for a while before I respond, but I've got no problem trying to help.
I plan to be a therapist someday, so talking to the same people on a regular basis about their troubles is kind of in the job description for the career I've chosen for myself.
]
More Questions: |