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still... guy in chem.
So I'm doing by best to move on, but I still cry a lot, whenever I think about how his fiance is the most important woman to him, and that he loves nobody but her. it hurts, but she won his heart so i need to forget this "what if thing", its just messing with me. nothings easy though. i need lots of time...
but anyway, i took your advice to talk to guy in chem. I think I am starting to like the person he is, like his personality is the type that gets along with everyone, and he's really nice and funny. he is the type that can keep me laughing, and i like feeling happy. but, he is 26, and I feel he only sees me as nothing more than a potential friend. No i have not flirted with him, because he's a nice guy and I don't want to ruin anything. But i also just want to be like I dig you, but i cannot. I already get jealous when other girls are around them, there not cute or anything but still it bothers me. Like i can never catch him alone and have a convo with him, everybodys always around. But i doubt he would date me, he knows im 19. last week we bumped into each other at the tutoring center and studied and talked, i had fun. I like it when it's just the two of us with nobody around, i'm more open. And it also felt good to make him smile as well. i love the way it makes you feel when your the reason someone smiles.
gah. this is hard.
my life sucks! EVERYONE ELSE DOESNT HAVE TO WORK AS HARD AS I DO. its so much work!!!!!!1
annashae
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You need to let this go.
You want closure of some kind, you want to feel like you were heard. Thing is, by his reaction I'm pretty sure he already knows what you were going to say and wasn't comfortable with expressions of interest. When he told you about his ex-wife he was telling you that he knows exactly how you feel and doesn't want to put himself in a situation where his fiance would question him. And no, it's not really appropriate in any sense. A woman his age he could make a case for legitimately being friends with. People your own age are kind of expected in your friends circle.
A 19 year old on the other hand... well when a guy is with a girl 20 years younger than him for lunch people make assumptions because those assumptions are often correct.
If you really care for him, respect his wishes. As much as it sucks to not get closure, you need to learn to accept that. It happens. When I was 19 the girl I was dating dumped me for her older brother's best friend and married him less than six months later. I got a goodbye voicemail and she refused to answer my calls. I tried to just have one last conversation, to ask why, ask what I did wrong. I never got it.
That's life, sometimes. Closure is not always guaranteed, and what you need to do now is just let this go and move on. You need to stop trying to justify why it's ok to still think about him.
I told you before, occupy yourself. When you start thinking about him, stop yourself. Make yourself think of something else. Do something else. You can't just sit there and wish after something that won't ever be.
On the 26 year old, try to be friends. You need to put yourself out there more, if he isn't interested maybe he's got some friends and one of them will pique your interest. Get out among people and try to be more social. Make some new friends and spend time with them, give yourself something to do on friday nights other than sit at home and pine over the guy(s) who won't ever be yours.
Last, work on asserting yourself. You say you can't tell him you dig him. I say you can. I think you need to. Just go for it. Tell him you think he's cute and you'd like to catch a movie sometime. Accept whatever answer you get. Continue to chat him up and don't hide from him if it's a no.
You make this a million times harder by your approach. You build it up in your head into this huge deal and then if you say something it's far too late. You hold yourself in until you're sure someone likes you back and by the time you figure it out you've likely missed your chance. Shy isn't the same thing as repressed and the way you're acting is repressed. Shy people can still take risks. I know shy people who have asked people out. They might stutter a bit, it might be terrifying, but they take the leap.
You're trying not to leap. You want a bridge there before you step off into air. It doesn't always work out that well. In fact, it rarely ever does. Seldom do two people figure out they're interested in each other at the same time in such a way that they can just be like "Yeah, you too? Awesome!"
Most of the time it's a bit scary for everyone involved.
If 26 year old continues to seem uninterested don't dwell on it. I'd suggest actually telling him you think he's cute. If he isn't interested don't take it as an insult or be upset over it. Maybe you aren't his type, maybe you were too shy and there wasn't a spark, maybe he's interested in someone else and you never really had a shot. Just accept the world for what it is, and move on.
You'll be alot happier when you see that mentality as a good thing.
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