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Incredible at everything else...
Hey, 23/f here. The guy in question is my age.
I hate myself for even letting this be an issue, but it is. My ex, who I had to leave about a year ago because he physically abused me, was a better kisser. Like, he kissed me the way I always dreamed my "prince charming" would, and it was heaven, and I hate him for it. I used to feel like I could do nothing but kiss him forever and I'd be happy. For some reason, kissing has always been a huge, huge thing for me, and I can't get past it.
This new guy (who I've been seeing for a month or so (but we have a history; he's an old friend from high school)) is incredible - he's sweet, he's funny, he's understanding, he's not jealous, he's gentle, he's intelligent...he's just not as good a kisser.
I've never been in a position where I had to improve a guy's technique, so to speak...and if I ever was, it used to be a dealbreaker for me. I kind of feel like I'm never going to have the feelings that I had with my ex again as far as the kissing goes, but I feel like this guy could at least be a little better...Maybe it's selfish of me, but I want to enjoy kissing this guy more. I can't even quite put my finger on what it is that bothers me...Lips aren't too stiff, he doesn't use too much tongue...nothing like that.
Part of it is probably that he has some facial hair, which pokes me a little...but he does winter sports and that helps keep his face warm, lol, so I don't want to ask him to get rid of it...besides, it's cute on him.
How do I improve his kissing technique without directly teaching him? Without insulting him, or anything?
Any tips, I imagine, could be helpful. Thanks! :)
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I think there are two things at play here. First the physical abuse from your ex still weighs in on your physical life with you new boyfriend. I know what your thinking, you feel your over him and moved on. PTSD takes on many forms and your dissatisfaction with your boyfriends kissing may be how the PTSD is exhibiting itself in you.
There are two ways to get some help which I really think is the best thing you can do for yourself to get past the PTSD. First is to call 1-800-656-HOPE. This will connect you to the 24/7 Hotline for an Organization called RAINN. This stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. Their volunteers will help you find professionals in your home town trained to help you with the Abuse you suffered.
Second: One of the best things about sex is the intimacy and learning about the other persons body, likes and dislikes. Kissing is not just a prelude to sex it is an essential part of sex. As such just like the act of sex itself we must teach our partners how we liked to be kissed, touched and made love too.
You don't go up to your partner and tell him he is a rotten kisser. That would deflate his ego along with another part of his anatomy. What you do is tell him that his facial hair is ruining a very intimate part of your intimacy and ask him to see if you two can find another way to kiss that will keep his beard from scratching you. Then you can teach him how to kiss you the way you like without deflating his ego or anything else. You might try giggling a bit when you kiss to make your point.
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I don't even think your ex is an issue. What the problem really is, is you're not getting a feeling of satisfaction from your partner. Telling him you don't like the way he kisses you will hurt his ego, so you should use your flirtatious girl power and trick him into slowly learning what you like. For example when you're cuddling together kiss him but very softly and gently on the corner of his mouth, then pull away and smile. He should initially follow and you can start this sort of kissing game, let him know what you like with subtle moans. And if he does something wrong punish him, like a light smack. It's like foreplay! (;
Good luck
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