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Recent Ex Boyfriend
My boyfriend and I had been together a year, were about to get engaged and get my ring, and sign the lease on a new apartment.
A week before we were supposed to move, he dumped me. There was no warning - he did not distance himself from me, two days before he showed up with a rose and a mocha. He'd been getting money out for moving, planning the move with me, talking about our future all the time.
The day before it happened, I told him I was still unhappy about the things I said a month ago (he freaked out on me off his meds) and that I didnt feel like he treated me like I was special. He also was going to have to take care of the first month rent alone, as my job hours were cut.
We had a great morning the day it happened, and then he spent 5 hours at work thinking about it, came back and dumped me in 30 minutes. He was mean, and angry, and emotionally not even there. He then was a jerk and bothered me all the next day about his stuff, finally was nicer and had coffee with me before I got him his stuff, where he spouted cliches.
He suffers from depression, and we've had issues for several months due to me trying to help him with his depression/mood swings issues. He once almost broke up with me before, but took everything back, sobbing and begging me to stay because he had not meant it, had been depressed and not meant it.
I admit to making the normal mistakes right after - I told him it was a mistake, tried to logically reason with him, told him how much I loved him and how i wouldnt get over him.
I even took responsability that was not mine. Anyway, after that I blocked him on facebook, and sent him an email saying no contact, and that he could email me if he changed his mind about the future.
He emailed back immediately with the same stuff about maybe one day he can be good for me or maybe one day we can be friends.
But the whole time, he is completely emotionally dead, the same way he was every time he went off his medication, like it was a stranger.
Its like hes having a meltdown. I'm moving on with my life, but I would have given him another chance. Will he ever realize what a horrible mistake hes made? He loved me so very much, and I did him. Want peoples opinions on everything, and if I've killed all chance of a reunion.
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He may realize he's made mistakes but, I doubt he will do anything about them. I know its difficult but you are better off without him. If Gunners scenario is true, then he certainly isn't ready for a full blown relationship.
He is a man with emotional problems. Just because he is on meds doesn't make them go away. Your biggest mistake was thinking you could "help" or fix him. You really can't.
Moving on as best you can is your best bet right now. You would have hated a life of walking on eggshells. You really would have.
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well, it doesn't matter what you were planning on doing, its what you implied that counts. I'm not sure which issues you're expecting him to deal with and change, but I will say this- expecting him to change in the eleventh hour is horse shit. if its his little bipolar episodes, thats reasonable, however, you're the one that was buying the house with the shaky foundation and expecting it to be solid.
also- judging by his behavior, I'd be willing to put money on one of his buddies being involved in his reasoning ie: the day it happened, he probably told his buddy about you still being
"unhappy about the things I said a month ago (he freaked out on me off his meds) and that I didnt feel like he treated me like I was special. He also was going to have to take care of the first month rent alone", and you know what? I can tell you what his friend may have said to piss in your Jell-O.
"Dude, fuck that bitch. She's trying to make you into her little HitlerJugend husband, train you like a rat terrier to put up with her shit so she can sit back while you pay all the bills and treat her like the twisted little princess she is." How do I know? because not only do dudes think alike on things like this, but we also warp the story a bit when we are telling our friends things like this to make ourselves look better. Hell, his story probably didn't include anything about his mental health issues(he most likely made you out to be a bi-polar nitpicky bitch), and the part about you having a reasonable explaination for the first month's rent thing? didn't make it into the story either.
so. reality sucks, doesn't it? as far as I can tell, you, his ego, and his friends drove him off.
The lessons for this clusterfuck are- when something is such a sorespot for your spouse, either leave it alone or put a lot of thought and TACT into broaching the subject... and don't try to change people. every time I've seen some broad try this stunt it blows right up in her face. never make this mistake again, and you will have success in life. accept people for who they are, and if you cannot rejoice in, or even just live with their faults, then take a walk and find somebody else.
and don't think it'll ever work out with your ex-fiancee.
good luck
-Gunner
*EDIT*
ok then, I refer you back to my original statement "it doesn't matter what you were planning on doing, its what you implied that counts."
If you want to help somebody with their mental health issues, next time, refer him to a doctor. its just like in that creepy willem dafoe movie "antichrist 2009" when dafoe's character tries to psychoanalyze his own wife and drives her off the deep end. playing with a close companion's mental health issues is like begging to get a sledgehammer to the balls.
in the end, its better that you not be with him. and one day you'll realize it too.
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