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Feeling bad for no reason.
Me and my brother have NEVER gotten along at all really. We don't care much for each other one way or another. He is bipolar as well as the rest of my family. My oldest brother and I are the only ones who aren't.(Yes I know what bipolar-ism is.)
Yet anytime anything bad happens to the brother I've come to not care for I feel horrible. Like just today, he ordered a new cell phone and waited forever for it due to horrible shipping and horrid salesman work. He was excited to have it today. When he opened the package it didn't work. He looked so disappointed, to the point he even looked as if he just didn't wanna talk to anyone.
Suddenly I get this deep horrid feeling it's my fault when I consciously know I've done NOTHING wrong. I have no idea why. I just wish I could make it where he was no longer disappointed. But I can't and it feels like shit.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
I think I know how you feel. Growing up in a family who suffer from bipolar disorder can be very trying on those who do not suffer from the disorder. The highs and lows of the disorder are like the worst roller coaster ride one has ever been on. It's great when someone suffering from bipolar is on a high. It is horrible when they are in a low.
It is not that you do not have any feelings for your brother, the fact is you do or you would not have written. Your feeling though are not the all warm and fuzzy feelings you would like to have because of his illness. When he is on a high he is probably a joy to be around, but you also know that the low is coming it is just a matter of when. Its like waiting for the other shoe to fall. When you saw the look on his face when the phone didn't work you knew this could trigger the low in him and that is a ride that no one enjoys.
The deep horrid feeling you got was not that you did anything wrong, it was because you knew what was coming and there was nothing you could do to stop it. This has an effect on you as well, that was what you were feeling. Not guilt, not that your caused anything to go wrong, you just couldn't stand what you knew was about to happen with him.
There is an organization called NAMI: National Alliance for the Mentally Ill. They have a 24 hr hotline 1-877-331-2545 you can call to get a listing of support groups in your area. I would suggest you do so. By meeting and talking to others who are facing the same problems as you are you can gain strength and insight into how to better handle situations and feel better about yourself.
All to often we beat ourselves up when we are unable to provide for a loved one in a manner we feel is proper, even when the situation is well beyond our abilities. This I believe is the situation you are presently facing. You will find strength, love, help and support in this type of groups. Below is the link to their home page.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
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Well, you obviously care for him. Which is natural for being around someone so long; you naturally grow affection and attachment to them. But don't be mistaken, you're not "feeling bad for no reason" You're feeling bad because your brother was disappointed. And don't blame yourself because it's not your fault, you already know that. You guys seem to be having communication issues. I think you want to comfort him but don't know how because you guys never really got along. I feel like you guys don't even talk at all lol, but saying something like hey dude its okay, or we'll just order another one could make him feel better. Or ask him what happened and stuff like that. It'll make you feel better too. You're probably more disappointed that you didn't reach out to him.
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