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my love life is failing...because of me
Every single time I'm in a relationship, I never know what to do. I get so nervous that I barely even talk to whoever I'm going out with. When I break up with them, it's really hard for me to do. My first boyfriend was 2 years older than me and went out with my best friend. We became really good friends, and a month after their break up, we started going out. Before we talked on the phone EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, but then it was like I was completely speechless. And when he would try to get close to me or kiss me I would always turn away, really nervous. I ended up breaking up with him with that as one of the reasons. When I was going out with my second boyfriend, I felt torn because I thought I was still in love with my ex. I think it's hard for me to be in a relationship because of my nervousness because I feel really insecure about myself. It's not like I'm like that with my friends (that are girls). What should I do???
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I don't know how old you are, but I'm guessing you're in your teens. When I was in my teens, I also had the same problem. It's like I would automatically shut down every time someone that I was interested in romantically even so much as looked at me.
The problem for me was that I was so insecure and self-conscious that anytime someone did take an interest in me, I would feel embarrassed by their attention and affection. I had a hard time understanding why any guy would be interested in me.I kept comparing myself to the girls on TV and in magazines and I always felt like I wasn't pretty or thin enough. I compared myself to my sister and always felt like I wasn't smart or accomplished enough.
But you know what? I am all the things I never thought I was and more. It took a long time for me to realize that and it wasn't an easy task.
I wish I had a twelve-step method for you, to help you see how wonderful you really are. Unfortunately, there isn't one. All I can tell you is insecurity is a common problem for everyone, everywhere, of every age. The best advice: never compare yourself to anyone else. You may think that someone else is prettier, smarter, or better than you, but in all truth, you're wrong in one way or another. Don't let other people tell you who you should be, decide for yourself. Don't try to be someone you're not. It's a miserable sort of lie and you'll only be betraying yourself by cheating everyone else of the chance to know the real you. You are unique, there is only and will ever be only one YOU, and YOU can't be replaced. Believe in yourself at all times. Don't be afraid to make mistakes and don't beat yourself up when you do make one. Doing nice things for other people for no obvious reason will make you feel good about yourself. Lastly, look in the mirror and focus on all the things you LIKE about yourself.
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Just explain to your boyfriend that for some reason you get nervous alot and you might not move as fast as he wants to in the relationship but tell him to give you a little time and you'll try to open up. Also you need to try to break out of your shell because no boy likes to be in a relationship if he can't get close or even touch his own girlfriend. Also maybe you're not ready to be in a relationship so I think you should break up with him before he does it to you or before he sneaks around on you because if he doesn't get anything from you he'll get it someone else (not all guys or like this) but it could happen and when you're sure you're ready to be in a relationship try being in one again.
If you need more advice feel free to ask me :)
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