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How do I learn to trust???
I am having trouble trusting people in intimate love relationships. It stems back as far as I can remember. I was able to conquer it many years ago...I made up my mind to trust, but it ended up biting me in the ass. I trusted the most untrust worthy person in the world. I am now HIV+. It turns out EVERYTHING that came out of his mouth was a lie. After that I dated people, but never stayed with anyone who could hurt me i.e. anyone I loved. A few months ago I met an amazing guy. For the most part he seems to be honest and giving. We did have an incident in which I caught him in a lie. He recieved a text from an EX. He says the ex keeps texting and he has not replied. He knows I would get stressed for know reason. He lied to protect me because we were about to leave on vacation together. He offered to change his number and give me his phone for several days. I did not take him up on his offer because I do not want to be that kind of person. As far as he knows I have let the issue go. SOmetimes I have anxiety about whether or not he is lying or sneaking around. When I am not having anxiety I believe him, but I have moments where I feel like I know he is lying. I also should point out that he has given me his house key. He leaves his phone out all the time..I don't check it, but I could. I really try to avoid looking for things to upset me. I am trying so hard to relax and trust, but I am not sure how. I do not know the difference between my gut and paranoia. With the guy who got me sick, I always felt he was lying (but I did not want to be insecure and needy so I did not act on it). If anyone can offer advice I would be in your debt. Thanks!!!!
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Wow, you have been dealt a cruel hand all because someone was not honest with you.
My feeling is it is not you that needs to learn to trust people, rather people need to earn your trust and respect. As I said you were dealt a cruel hand you therefore have every right to be suspicious of people.
Once you have explained to your future BFs of your HIV status and how you came by it. They should understand that you are going to be more untrusting of men than the next girl. I see nothing wrong with this as you are protecting yourself. You have already been hurt, nobody likes being hurt the first time let alone a second or third time. If a guy understands this then he will understand that if he wants to get to know you he is going to have to earn your trust and respect.
To me this is the answer to your question, not you learning to trust. Yes, in some situation the trust factor is on you, in situations of romance I feel the trust situation is on the guy, after you have told him of your HIV status.
As for trusting other people such as the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker. I think that trust is there within you; you are just being overly cautious at this time. This is okay too, especially if your HIV status is recently discovered. I fell as you come to grips with that you will start trusting the other people you have to deal with on a day to day basis. Romantically though; you have every right to ask or wait for guys to earn your trust.
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