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Mother issues. She is controlling and I am constantly stressed around her!
First, lets set the scene.
I am a 20 year old male living with my mom, my brother, and one of my sisters. My mom is in her 50's, my brother and sister in their early to mid 30's. My other sister is married and lives with her husbands parents over 100 miles away.
I am somewhat unemployed. I work as a temp and I only have jobs sometimes. I am still actively looking for a job but no luck, mostly because I didn't have experience before.
My mom works as a baby nurse, but makes under 10k a year because she doesn't get many jobs.
My brother doesn't work.
My sister that lives with me works part time at Wal-Mart and has been unable to find something better.
Here is the issue. We all live in the same house so arguments are often as it is already. Luckily we live in a 4 bedroom house so we have somewhere to retreat to, when my mom doesn't decided to come to me with the fight.
My brother, sister, and I all rely pretty much completely on my mom. I don't know how, but over the years, she has seized control over us. We have trouble making decisions without her. Or if we can make a decision, we don't because we are afraid it will make her angry.
My brother, sister and I get along fairly well, we treat eachother as equals. However, my mom does not. She is controlling. She doesn't treat us as equals. She orders us around, and if she doesn't like something, we are NOT allowed to do it. And if we tell her "No" to whatever she orders us to do, then she throws a tantrum and starts screaming and yelling and threatening to kick us out of the house unless we do what she says. Eventually, we cave and do what she says. At times, she threatens to hit us. And at times, she has hit me when I wouldn't budge. Nothing more than a slap in the face usually.
When she doesn't get angry about us saying no, she will play the "you don't love me" trick and start pouting about how we don't love her, or care for her.
There are many more issues and examples, but I will leave it there for now. I have just recently realized that I am now an adult, and I will never really be an adult until I get away from her and can be an adult and not treated like a child. I am constantly stressed when I am around her. I am afraid I will do something wrong to anger her. I even have dreams from time to time about her yelling at me for doing this or that. I am constantly stressed. I suffer from depression, and although I am on medication I do not believe my depression can truly be fixed until something around her changes or I move out.
I want to move out, but am unable to until I can get a permenant job, which I do not yet have but am looking. My mom makes the majority of the money in the house, but just barely.
What do I do? Everyday I am getting more and more fedup with it all. It's not healthy to be constantly stressed about this all...
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Hey,
I am so sorry about all that you're going through. What I'm about to say may be the worst advice you will ever get, but I will give it a try: how about you move out with your brother and sister and live together till everyone gets to a good spot? I understand if the financial side is a problem, in which case, do you have any friends you can live with? Why doesn't your brother work? Maybe you can push him to start doing something so the three of you can move out together and start a healthier, better life that way? This is a very sensitive situation, and in no way I am recommending that you leave your mother behind. I just know that it will be better for all of you to have some sort of hope and duties other than coping with all that stress and have it affect your lives at a young age. Maybe start looking for work elsewhere? In another region? state? Don't give up. And assure your mother that by moving out or speaking your mind you are not indifferent about her, that you value her position in your life, but in order for things to get better for you, you need to break free from her grasp. I hope this helps you, let me know if there's anything else I can do.
K
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