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suicide
I very much enjoy speaking with older people, I've never felt comfortable with people my own age. I have a 15 month old son who is my whole world. I have him to live for, but that doesn't stop my major depression. The anti-depressants aren't helping, neither is my panic medicine. Calling suicide hotlines doesn't really help me. Therapy isn't really helping. I don't want to get out of bed, don't want to move, but I want to get better for my son. The reason I was on here was because I was contemplating suicide, but I know that's stupid, and I am here for a reason. I am in college to be a chemical dependency counselor, and eventually a mental health counselor. My best friend committed suicide a few years back, leaving behind his one year old son. I am interested in opening up a mental health clinic in the future after I get my Ph.D. and was wondering, what is your personal experience with suicide? I can tell you have something because you've answered to many of the suicidal questions that I have read. And do you have any advice for me? I don't know why I feel like this, and I hope I don't do anything stupid.
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I'll have you know I'm not old, just well aged, ha ha, but I am old enough to be your father and possible your grandfather.
To start with my only personal experience with suicide is really not a personal one, but dealing with others who had attempted suicide. I have spent many years as a first responder with a fire department rescue squad. We are called when some one is attempting or has completed the act of suicide. Then their is what my wife does for a living with the countries largest provider of mental health services. I am able to draw on her experience as well as my own experience as a first responder when answering these questions. Lastly there is my own compassion for people which is why I have put up with some of the agony of being a first responder.
I to suffer from depresion I'm sure you have seen that in my answers. There is a difference between being actively suicidal and suicidal addition. Being actively suicidal is when you have plans as to how and when. Suicidal ideation is somewhat like daydreaming about suicide. I'm not sure but in the deepest part of my depression I would talk about jumping in front of a freight train while talking with my therapist. If she felt I was actively suicidal rather than just having some type of ideational thoughts, or just making a point. I believe she would have booked me a room with comfortable walls.
As to the questions I chose to answer: I choose teenage sex questions so I can dispense truthful answers. In this day of parents who where so sexually active prior to marriage I am amazed at how many of their children that are so ill informed about sex and their bodies. I look to answer there questions as truthfully as I know how.
Mental Health questions: I think we have already answered that one. But as someone that suffers from a mental health issue and as I have great resources to answer these questions I feel somewhat obligated to do so.
The last set of questions I look for have to do with Rape, Abuse and Incest. These three issues happen more than we know. Rape and incest go unreported for long periods of time until the person who has suffered ends up in a therapist office suffering from depression.
Date rape is very common and girls are never sure what to do about it. I counsel that no is no and they need to report the rape.
There are all types of abuse other than physical abuse. I try to offer support and how to get out from under the abuse. The same holds for Incest. I have a number of referral organizations I can refer people to for help with any of these situations.
Now about you. I think you know suicide hurts so many others. For you, you would leave behind a son with no mother. So if for no one else you need to fight to get better for him and you can get better; I'm living proof of that.
You say your medication isn't working; see your doctor and ask for a change of medication. Who is prescribing, your family doctor or a psychiatrist. If it is your family doctor you need to see a psychiatrist. If you need a referral ask for one. Since it is a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes most depression the family doctor is not the proper doctor to prescribe and follow a patient with depression.
Therapy: In order for therapy to work you need to be comfortable with your therapist. If your not, it just doesn't work. I went through 3 therapists before finding my present therapist. She has been wonderful and taken me to places I never in tended to go. She has never forced me anywhere. She just, well I'm not sure, just one day it all came out.
My depression started, as far as I thought because of a auto accident and chronic pain resulting from it. In fact that was more like the straw that broke the camels back. I've found out a lot about myself through therapy and what I buried deep in the back of my mind. Yes, it hurt to unlock it, but it was hurting more to keep it locked up. The only reason I allowed it to come out is the trust she and I were able to build. This trust didn't happen overnight took several years before the chambers of horror opened, as I call them. Now that the door has opened we have dealt with them and I am a much better person.
My uneducated guess is you may still be suffering from untreated Postpartum Depression. This is treatable.
Find a new doctor if needed, get on new medication and find a new therapist, one you are comfortable with.
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