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Not using birth control
Alright so basically I'm just going to go straight to the point.. I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 24. We live together. We've been together for a year, a bit more, 14 or 15 months perhaps. About a month and a half ago, I had a miscarriage. I between 10-12 weeks pregnant and had known for about a month of that. Anyways it was a difficult pregnancy and stuff, I dunno, definately a test in our relationship but it brought us together and I saw a side of him I loved. He proposed but I wasn't ready. since then, when we have sex, he doesn't want to put a condom on. I don't think he would ever ejaculate inside me but it's still obviousy risky behavior, and I HAVE pointed this out him. One day I said straight up 'put on a condom, I'm going to get pregnant' to which he responded 'been there, done that'. I tried bringing it up a couple times afterwards and trying to get a feel of whether he's TRYING to have a child or whether he's just really being that reckless, and he just changed the subject completely.. To be honest, I love kids and have always been of the mind that if only I could afford them, I'd be happy to get pregnant. This doesn't mean I didn't take preventative measures - until my pregnancy I have always used birth control, (I'm sick of the side effects and would really like it if just for a bit he took over the birth control aspect even if it's just for a couple months) and ultimately I want my kids to have everything and that means waiting for the opportune time financially and in every other way. But that doesn't change that a huge part of me was really happy and excited to be pregnant. I know he's the right man to raise kids with, although we've been together for a short time I have a profound amount of respect for him and know that he's the kind of man to always live up to his responsibilities. He co-owns a business (a coffee shop). He has always talked about how dreams about being that cool dad with all the 'toys', snowmachines, dirtbikes, quads ect. That's how a grew up so I love the idea. He's getting a truck in the spring (necessary to haul around all the above toys lol) and I know a snow machine is somewhere in his budjet for the next year. During my pregnancy, he obviously reworked his budjet, and while everything would have to be pushed back we could STILL, by the time our child was old enough, afford to raise him in the lifestyle we've been hoping. While it's not the BEST timing, and I do feel young to be a mother, my maternal instincts are obviously pretty strong right now and I can't help but hope that it happens. To be honest the thing that bugs me the most about it would just be explaining to everyone else. "weren't you just pregnant? do you NOT use birth control?" are questions that I would be pretty uncomfortable with and it seems bound to come up with someone lol.. I don't know. I mean I also wouldn't mind being married to the father of my children. I just wonder, if you aren't ready to marry someone, is it even possible for you to be ready to have children with them? Do I sound too young? Honest opinions are greatly appreciated.
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you dont sound too young. if it is meant to be it will happen again....hopefully. i would find out the source to your miscarriage and make sure you are in fact able to carry a child. it sounds like he does want kids since he does not feel the need to strap up. i think you need to let him read this, it was such a touching thing to read and then you two can discuss together your future options. just be blunt and tell him you want to wait until your financially stable to try to have a kid again and tell him you are sick of your birthcontrol's side effects and MAKE HIM use a condom or else no nookie. thats my advice good luck to both of you! <3
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