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Wanting what I'll never have...


Question Posted Thursday January 20 2011, 12:53 am

I talked to this girl for like four months. We told each other everything, our deepest secrets. I think I may have loved her. She lives really far away, and I met her for the first time after the four months. We went to the movies, and hung out, but I was pretty shy. When I came back home, we never talked the same way again. Now she has a boyfriend... and I feel like I have no right to be bothered by it, but I just can't help it. She is literally the only thing I ever think about, and I don't understand why. I can't stop thinking about her, and I just want to get over her. I'm just so lonely now, and I want her more than anything else. But I don't WANT to want her. I want to stop having this empty feeling every time I think of her, and I don't know how. Can anyone help?

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gr8fruit answered Thursday January 20 2011, 9:25 am:
Hey there,
What you are feeling is what I call an "after love". Yes, it is sort of like an "after thought". When you have something in common with someone, you can talk lots and hang out, but it will only come off as a good friendship. Then as soon as that person is out of your life, you realize that you had stronger feelings for them. It is not uncommon for someone to realize what they missed, only after it is already gone.

I think you feel bothered because you think of yourself being in the other guys position and you haven't talked as much to her (probably) cuz you came off as shy that one day. To get over her, you have to: have no contact with her (don't message her or respond at all), get rid of the things that she may have given you, and find other girls/people to hang out with. Once you find someone you can relate to more, you will start thinking about her less and less and only think about/spend time with the new person. I know what it is like to feel lonely after someone you cared for walks the other way... find someone new (as hard as it can be) and you will be able to fill that gap you have inside <3

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