|
How Do I Learn to Stand Up For Myself?
Long story short: I can never stand up for myself. Especially when it comes to guys. Especially my ex. We've had a REALLY rocky past. Really. He had so much power over me... I guess I let him. I was sooo whipped. I just let him walk all over me... Talk me into stuff... Well the bj. At one point he did physically force the fingering on me... But the bj he would say "If you loved me you'd do this..." or "I do things for you but you won't do this...?" so I did it... I hate myself. Why couldn't I just put my foot down?? Why can't I just have a backbone? And it doesn't stop there. I just let people boss me around... My ex still makes me feel small and worthless... And I hate it. I mean I am small... I'm like 5'4 and 105... And I have like no muscle... I am in a kick boxing class though! Haha... Buy seriously. I have such a hard time just standing up myself and I wanna know how... I get really intimidated because my ex would always used his size against me. Hold me down and stuff and I absolutely hate being man handled but it happens sooo much but when it does I can't even speak up except maybe a little "stop please"... Plus a lot of guys mess with me cause my ex told his baseball team who told everyone that we had sex even though we didn't! He also told them I was really easy and that let him "do whatever he wanted in bed"... I dont know what to do but I'm so tired of all of this... Please help!!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Hey there,
To start: there is a VERY good reason for why your ex got the name "ex" put in front of him. You deserve MUCH better! I am sure you wanted to be supportive, but it sounds as if he used you for most of the relationship. Him saying "if you loved me, you would do this" is total bullcrap. If he loved you, he would be patient and wait until you were ready. He shouldn't of forced anything on you. When you are in a relationship, both partners should give/take equally and most importantly: show respect for one another.
You couldn't put your foot down, for you probably felt intimidated by him. And you couldn't have a backbone, for he probably made you feel as if he was right and that you should do more for him.. but that is not true at all. You did what you could for him and he didn't accept that. When you decided to let him go, I believe it was the best thing you did for yourself... That took strength (see! you have it!).
As for your size, I am almost exactly your size! I am 5'4 and I weigh about 110. Not much different from you. What you need to learn to do, is say no. Even if your heart is telling you you should do it/listen, even if your conscience is screaming "just do it, it won't harm you". Think before you act and when in a relationship, say "no I won't do this" or "if I am going to do this, it will be for 'us' and not just 'you'". If someone ever is rough with you, get your friends to stand by you and tell him to back off. Or tell someone you can trust and let them know that "so and so" is being a jerk so they can help you get rid of that problem. It is so much easier to say 'no' when there is someone behind you.
Your ex had no right to tell his team that you had sex with him, whether you actually did or not. That just shows you how big his ego is and how little he cares about the feelings of others. He is lying to himself and everyone around him. If a guy really cares for you, he won't go telling his whole team (or anybody for that matter) that you had sex with him. It should/will be kept between the two of you. Be strong and say 'no' whenever you are in a tight situation. If needed, walk away as well. You can do it. Know that whatever your ex tells people, it is a lie and you know the real truth. Don't let people get to you; you should find what matters to you/is best for you and support that. Also, if it needs to be said: tell people the real truth. Speaking one word can make a great difference in your life and your voice will only get stronger the more you stand up for yourself <3
]
More Questions: |