|
why am i not happy in this perfect relationship?
i dont know whats wrong with me, but i'm so unhappy. i have really bad self confidence problems, and all of high school i wanted a boyfriend and someone to love me, and now that i have that i continue to be extremely unhappy. my boyfriend is so good to me, he cares for me and loves me so much, he would never cheat on me or talk to another girl, and he is always there for me. the only part that kind of bothers me is that he has been with many girls in the past, he has had sex with 7 girls and i am a virgin. he also hurt me in the past, but not badly. it took me a while to get over it and i have spent countless hours cryign and being upset over this boy. when i was upset about him last year all i awnted was for us to be going out, and now that we are, how am i not happy? i am a naturally a very emotional and sensitive person, i cry atleast once a day and have been doing that my whole life. i also get very anxious and stressed out easily, and angry. i know that i am messing up my perfecgt relatinoship with my personal problems, and im watching myself do it, but i cant stop. i think about how many girls he has been with in the past, or how devastated im going to be when we break up, and i get soooooo upset(this happens on a daily basis) but when im with him im happy, but when im not i think about all these bad things and like freak out. i also get very upset thinking about the future, because were seniors and i get really upset worrying about where were both going to colelge and if were going to be able to stay together or not. its almost like he makes me so unhappy, but at the same time he makes me so happy because he is doing everything right. he notices this and askes why i want to be with him if im always unhappy about him, but what he doesnt understand is that i feel like i cant be without him. i know all girls feel that way with their first boyfriend, but i am terrified of getting hurt. so recently he has brought this up, he does everything to me(like fingers me, goes down on me) but i havent done anything to him. he is getting really anxious about not getting any from me since weve been going out, and he has been respectful about it but i can tell he is getting really antsy. he said something about it to me today, about how he can go without sex like he respects that i dont want to have sex with him yet since im a virgin, but its really hard for him to go thsi long without anything. when i thought about it i realized it is unfair,because he does everything to me and i do nothing to him. its just the thought of all that stuff scares me, because he is so much mroe experienced than me and i dont want to be bad at anything. and its not even about just that, for some weird reason the thought of doing stuff to him makes me so nervous and sad(even though ive done it like once before). like seriously what the fuck is wrong with me? after he said something about it ive been crying all day and i have no idea why. i hate being this sensitive it seriously makes my life a lviing hell. im getting therapy for my anxiety and my sadness, and hopefully to work on my self confidence problems, but do you think that will make this all better? i want to have sex with him because i know i love him and he loves me, but im soo set on protecting my feelings and not getting hurt that im scared too. im scared of being even mroe attached to him than i am now because its my first time and its not his. i wish i could jsut be a normal girl but instead i feel the need to make all these problems for myself and make myself sooo upset, when i know i have a good boyfriend. please dont say break up with him if he makes you unhappy, because i feel like i couldnt be without him becasue at the same time he makes me very happy, but its like all these things i think and worry and stress over in my head that make me this upset. Thanks
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Everything you've said here makes me TOTALLY respect you for not having sex - because you are obviously NOT ready and you seem to understand that. You have an instinct that sex right now would only ADD to your insecurities, not help them, so try to remember that when you feel pressure/inadequate. Keep seeking help for your confidence issues and stay away from sex until you get that worked out. It will only muddy the waters. I suspect you've had serious issues in your life about people close to you leaving you or being taken away from you. Your projecting all those anxieties onto your boyfriend, which will ultimately end in heartache for you and him. I do believe a romantic relationship is a hindrance to self-discovery at your age, but if you can't end the relationship, then you need to be realistic about what you can give to a relationship and what you will accept for yourself. Talk to your therapist about boundaries and what's realistic for you to expect out of a relationship. The closer you get to finding out why feel so inferior about everything, the closer you'll get to peace.
]
More Questions: |