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hello
hi i'm the girl who's question you answered about asking if you thought my boyfriend cheated AND about asking if i should confront a girl to make her stop calling him, so im guessing you know now the story, he confessed just yesterday that he hooked up with her and they kissed and he stopped talking to you because he says he realised he really didn't wanted her and wanted me back or thats what he says .. )
i really appreciated your advice and id like to ask you something i know we were supposed to be broken up but does it still makes it ok when he says like we were broken up but i even checked the dates and eventho we were broken up he was saying stuff like he really wanted me and stuff and thats how i cant understand why would he say that when he was already moving on...he says that at least going out with her made him realise he really wanted me and only me and couldn't move on as easy as that, which to be honest i don't really believe it maybe he's just good with words or something the thing is..after i found out about this (yesterday) he hasnt shown really regreat other than saying im sorry i wish i havent done it , and only because he was in a position where sorry wouldve been the right thing to say , like i dont see him acting like i wouldve acted which wouldve be to try to get that person back and to get her to forgive me , like he has just been really calm about it , he said he stopped speaking to her because of me, but still makes me think like wouldnt the right thing wouldve be to tell this girl the real reason why he stopped contacting her? i mean i know i would've done it because the girl can't stop calling and texting eventho this happened over a month already, so i really don't know what to think, like i said we were broken up , but still he was saying he wanted to get back and things like this so that's why i don't understand cause i keep thinking , oh so he "wanted me " that much that just as soon as a hot girl came in the picture he forgets about it? i guess its also that i feel like he didn't think of me while doing this obviously and i picture it very wrong cause i see it like there he was on the same day he was probably out with her asking if i've got someone else ,if i've been dating during that time , but not in a nice way..his messages were like "i know you're probably seeing someone else , etc " tell me the truth have you got with anyone!!? while he was the one actually hooking up with someone, and then telling me he loves me and stuff when he's been out with her, that's why im very confused another thing, he hasn't really tried to talk to me he just send a text like well also knew during that time you were intested on other people or other guys probably also she's transparend and you're not i think we shouldn't speak anymore we are so not meant to be (like that doesnt sound like an apology to me ..) things were very good lately i swear they havent been this good in a while, until i found out about this, he had big trust issues eventho i never cheated on him or spoke to guys that liked me he thinks that i'm probably interested in other people and he constantly accuses me of cheating when he's the one with the cheating history on his ex's and i have been nothing but honest with him and he was the one lying saying he had to work until late when he was actually meeting this girl and stuff, he always was very controlling wanting to know where im at 24/7 and he never said much about himself, im just confused as to why someone who acts like that and is so affraid of me cheating on him and honestly thinks i've done something wrong,,why would still he say that he loves me , why would he accusse me of stuff he was the one doing... thanks alot for taking the time and reading it im sorry its too long i just feel very confused right now
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Hello and thank you for the question
A few things that confuse me in what you explained above..
Your boyfriend states that he missed you while you were broken up, However his way of grieving over it is hooking up with other girls. Everyone has their ways of getting over a situation but as hurtful as it sounds it seems like your boyfriend just told you what you wanted to hear. Basically, He can't make up his mind on what he wants. Is he good with his words? Not necessarily but he sounds confused as hell
Did your boyfriend directly tell the girl to stop calling, texting?...Was he stern about it? Did he tell her he has a girlfriend? Right now you should be his priority as you two are currently in a relationship. Lets bare a few things in mind... Trust is a very big thing in relationships and so is communication if you are feeling a little insecure about a few things you need to talk it out with your boyfriend, Discuss the relationship if you think it would help and benefit the both of you come up with boundaries. Try and think of ways you two could become closer, Enjoy one another. My spouse and I discuss everything, We talk about randomness on a daily basis and in the long run sometimes the smallest things just make us closer. My spouse is my best friend, That is how it should be. Your boyfriends commitment should be on you, If the girl is bothering you tell him and let him know. If you can't trust him, Then the relationship is not going to work. If he can't be trustworthy and honest about things again, It's not going to work. Loyalty is a big thing and communication gets far. If you can't work it out, Then it would be best to move on.
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