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its me againn!!!!
Thank you again for all your time and effort going towards this. You are such an amazing person, inside and out! Everything your doing for me, is amazing. God Bless You!
I know our situation is very unique, thats why I can't just let go. Thats the way I see it too. If something real wasn't there, than both of us would have already moved on atleast 95%. He's still in my life for a reason, and theres something behind it of why. For this situation, along with many others I always prepare myself for the worst but hope for the best. Life dones't always go the way Id like it too. Ya know, he's the one guy I've never minded hurting me. Its like no matter how much he hurts me, I know its accidently and not purposively. When he looks at me, I can tell that he loves me, and he doesn't mean to hurt me. It actually hurts him, to know that he hurts me. I will never consider him as something I wasted my time on, or regret going through pain for. When I look into his eyes, all I see is that he is WORTH it. I can't sit here and regret or say I wasted my time on something I once wanted. Every relationship I get in, teaches me something about myself, or helps me become a better person, girlfrined, or even past for the future. Thats why I have no regrets nor wasted time for any of them, because they each have helped me regardless if they realize it or not.
As of the whole Jenna thing, I was alittle worried too. But I found out recently that his parents were against it as well. She threaten to get the law involved when they broke up, so now I have a whole new better understanding to the whole 18 thing.
Ya know, I've thought about him just stringing me along, but it just doesn't seem as likely to be true because of the fact thats it been 4 years. It would totally be under more investigation if he did it the first couple of months of us being broken up, but its been 4 years, and I just think he'd give up by now, and have someone else to string along, if real feelings wasn't involved. But Im still going to have it in the back of my mind. I actually talk to him a little today, and :
*On Monday, he told me he got laid off from work, and that he lost his job*
So today I texted him, and I told him that if he's stringing me along just to have someone there, like a back up plan, he needs to let me know because I dont deserve to get treated like this, and I need to just move on the best way I can, but if he really does love me than he has to prove it, and not just say it. Than I told him he can't stay messing with my mind or my emotions, and I need to know whats going through his head, cause he's only giving me bits a pieces. Once again he was real short, and he said he wants to be with me, just not right now, and I said, how come not right now? Is it my age? Or do you have another girlfriend? He said BOTH. I told him, wow thomas, really?? I said basically, your wasting her time, and yours, because if you plan on keeping your promise like you swear up and down that your going to, than you shouldnt even have a girlfriend, considering the fact that ima be 18 in less than 3 weeks! He said how, and I said because its 3 weeks, thats wasting her time if you plan on breakin up with her for me when im 18. and he said ok. I told him ive been waiting for him for 4 years, and he cant just wait for me for 3 weeks? I told it that PROVES alot! He said, "Im at work" So I said, "I thought you lost your job thomas? Or was that a lie to like everything else?" and he never texted back. Monday, when he came over, he just broke up with a girl two days before Monday, and yet, he has a girlfriend again?? It just doesnt make no freakin sense to me!
**IMPORTANT INFORMATION**
When me and thomas was dating on 06', his mom made us break up because we had too much drama, with out maturity levels. Well, Thomas claimed up and down that he could never ever date me again, or he wasn't allowed to talk to me anymore because I cussed his mom out when we first broke up. He called and asked her while he was over here Monday, and she said that I didnt cuss her out, I just yelled at her. Which is because she took him away for me. I wasn't yelling at her out of anger, it was just because she was taking the only tihng I loved more than myself away from me, and I was begging for her not to do that. After I explain it to Thomas, he understood. But Im afraid that if me and him get back together, his mom won't approve, or she wont like me as much as she did when we was together. He says that shes over it, because she's been asking about me alot, but I dont know? I have changed alot since then, but Im afraid Thomas doesn't believe me. I am almost 18, I have matured alot since I was 14. :/
And ya know, your right. He could be more fair about the situation. Its like when he doesn't talk to me, he pushes me away, but he doesn't care. As of me not textin him anymore and letting him text me, thats impossible. Because I went a WHOLE YEAR without talking to him or texting him, and he didn't bother takling to me. I had to text him first. I know that if I never texted him again, I would never ever hear from him anymore. PERIOD. Thats why I can't do it, because I know exactly what would happenn. I know everything is up to him, but im afraid. He doesn't really know what to do with it. What if it becomes oveerwhelming to him, and he just drops it out of his hands? Than Ima feel like I didn't do anything to help him realize it. I love helping people as much as I love Thomas, and I want him to see what he has, because right now it just seems like he is dazed and confusedd!.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Wow, what a situation! I'm going to have to think about this some; but I wanted to write and let you know that I'm not ignoring you. *smile*
I don't know if you have a facebook profile, but I've set up a page you might want to check out - its pretty new, and I've only actually shared it with some close friends of mine - so there's not a lot out there yet - but you can read more about me, and there are a few posts you might find interesting. Maybe you can watch it grow and maybe even help give me some ideas on what kind of things to post.. *smile* It's at [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
In any case - let me think about this for a bit; it's pretty complicated, isn't it? *smile* I'm really glad to hear that you have the right attitude about it all, though - about knowing that loving someone is never wasted.
Will write more soon, take care and hang in there!
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