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humorist-workshop
Friends w/ benefits to boyfriend drama
Lets say you are friends with benefits with a guy, but you have never talked about the status of your relationship with each other, as in you were clueless whether he was having sex with other girls as well (but the girl does mention to the guy she's been "talking" -hint hint nudge nudge, know what I mean- with other guys).
Over the course of the months, they become best friends, and then in a relationship. Whilst in the relationship, neither guy nor girl has cheated or done anything remotely bad. But guy didn't realize that girl had slept with other guys since she met him, and gets mad. He forgives her, but girl feels horrible and regretful about her past, and guy is horrified and embarrassed by it, because its a small university where everyone knows everything.
Ultimately, huge misunderstanding, because girl has always wanted to be honest with guy since day one, and felt she has, yet she doesn't blame guy for feeling the way he does. Yet now she feels like he will hold her past against her and won't be able to fully forgive or forget about it.
What should she do? She apologized to her boyfriend, and told him how ashamed she is of her past (she was going through a rough time, but boyfriend doesn't know the extent of it). Girl fears things will never be the same again, but they're working on things.
Anything more she can do? And what she did, was it really that bad? She did mention in pretty obvious (but I guess not very blunt terms) that she was with other guys since she met him, but since they had the "I have feelings for you talk" she's done nothing. Oh, and guy hasn't done anything with other girls since he met this girl.
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To be honest, you have done enough , it is up to him to see if he want's to continue what you guys had. It is okay for him to be mad , that's normal , and sooner or later it will be forgiven. Why does she not tell the(her) boyfriend the extent of it since it might (will) come up sooner or later just how this came out the same time. At least he can trust her because she told him and that takes gut's and it show's she cares and she is really sorry and regret's everything , especially to hurt him. Obviously , this guy really likes her if he did not do anything with other girls on the same time he has been seeing this girl. This girl did the bad decision , but maybe now it finally hit her to learn a lesson. The lesson is to not hurt anyone especially people that love her and she loves back or she just loves back or vice versa. It is not a good choice , it is not that bad , but it is bad. You need to understand that what she did , she can not repeat , that is a bad choice. My advice to you is she should wait , she did her part and hopefully she learned from it. The girl has to be patient now in order to fulfil what has gone wrong. She has to wait for the guy and give him some time , to see what he will do next , if it is worth it or is not. It was not that bad , but it was bad what she did and she should NOT do it again , repeat should NOT. I'm sure the guy and the girl can work on it though and make something work. If he really has feelings for her and she really has feelings for him then it is bound to work for sure.
Good luck girl : )
- Best wishes.
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Wow, got to be honest, it's much easier to understand things when you write in first person pronouns, me and I. This was harder work than necessary to understand...
Having friends with benefits, where everyone is being honest about their wants, and behaving safely is absolutely fine.
Not telling your boyfriend about your full sexual history until you were in a committed relationship is also completely fair. That was the point at which he deserved to know, and you told him.
Honestly, as far as I'm concerned, you did everything right.
Maybe it took you a bit longer than it should have for you to disclose your past, but that's understandable.
Now it's time to take a deep breath and let things be what they are going to be. Your regret and his embarrassment are understandable, but sort of pointless. Before you met you were making one kind of choice, and now you are making another kind of choice. These bad feelings about the past shouldn't be insurmountable.
If he does hold this against you in the future, he's being a bit unfair.
Things will never be quite the same again, but that was going to happen anyways. There is a difference between being friends and flirting and being in a relationship. Relationships mean you learn much more, and accept much more, about the person you are with.
You've hit your first hurdle together, and there are going to be others. Just be honest about your feelings, then and now, here is nothing else anyone can demand from you, and let the relationship grow in whatever direction it is going too.
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