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What do you call this...?
This will be a bit long but please bare with me
My whole life I've been quiet, shy and anti social. I have only one friend and I've known her for 14 years we share a lot in common and I can be myself around her without her judging me. I always seem to do what I have to do, I don't even acknowledge the fact that I don't talk to anyone...in fact sometimes it doesn't cross my mind. Clearly, Outside of my family, my boyfriend and my friend a social life doesn't exist for me. I will not go up to someone I used to know and start a conversation instead I prefer to just do what I need to do and continue on with my day. Sometimes I feel awkward almost like an outsider in this world and no matter what or who I seem to explain myself they don't seem to get a clear understanding on where I come from. Instead they call me a loner, Anti social but it's so much more than that. I choose to be like this, but on the other hand I have my days where I am very lonely. I am young in my 20's and I don't have friends, I spend a lot of time alone. I know it's not normal other folks my age have a social life, friends and things to look forward too.
What is wrong with me? Am I the only one like this? ..What do you call someone like that?
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To answer your question "Am I the only one like this?" The answer is no. I am just like this. I was talking to my husband the other day and he was surprised to learn that i would not go into a restaurant alone. Maybe run in quick and get a to go order, but I'd never go sit alone at a table and eat. LOL.
Personally, I've never had a problem with it. I'm not a social person & I get by fine. My husband knows all the neighbors, I don't know them. I'm not rude if we run into them I will say hi and all. I'm just not knocking on their door or having them over for coffee.
I have worked in a few jobs, all required communicating with others. I did fine. I just
didn't party with people etc. I did my job and then went home.
If you want to change you might see a doctor for suggestions. If you don't have a problem with how you are, then stop worrying about it. You are not alone. :)
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Follow -up answer:
Are you willing or able to work with me for a few minutes, daily or several times a week, and we can improve as a team. I have a bunch of things to work on too, perhaps together we can be more accountable to getting it done. How would you feel about that?
First answer 3/3/2010
Hi. Long questions are good because they give enough information to know what you are talking about. Don't apologize for looking for help, that is what we are here for. I know EXACTLY what you are talking about because I live through the same thing myself. We will focus on you though. I got help through medications for depression, and there are many non-drug routes you can explore first.
First of all, there is a personality that is happy alone. Happy to get to spend time alone, and not always lonely while doing it. I can see why you would appreciate the safety of home, or a specific chair, or bed. When this behavior becomes excessive, i.e. when it prevents you from your activities of daily living (ADLS), like eating, sleeping, washing, cleaning, communicating with someone in your life even just a little, that is when we are talking about depression.
Some ways to overcome depression have to do with self esteem. You didn't talk much about yourself, but many who are depressed also have self esteem issues. Loners that are also depressed don't really know where the lines are drawn, between happy solitude and depression. I recommend that you talk to your family doctor, or if you already have a psychologist in your life, invest in one session and make a little headway, a list to work on.
Things that jump to mind to kick start you out of a depression: pick 1 behavior you have control of, like exercising, or showering, or eating 2 apples a day, anything, and start doing it every day. Anything you can do for 21 days they say you can do for life. That will give you a foundation for some confidence building. Don't stop there, start there. After your first few days of making ONLY 1 CHANGE (because the key here is sustained permananent behavioral change), then add another to it. Then you have 2 new positive things that are small but you can manage to do everyday. Be an EVERYDAY girl. No matter what (unless you are legitimately sick) do this small thing you have committed to and that you have control over. Do a load of laundry, every day, or take a short walk, make the goals at the beginning very small so they are attainable.
See, my answer is even longer than your question! Think about what I have said, and let me know what you think of it. Good luck, and remember that it took you 20+ years to develop this personality and these habits, life does not change overnight. Slow and steady wins the race everytime.
If I have helped you, please take a moment and rate me. I won't be able to get questions directed to my column until I establish a certain number of ratings.
Thanks. I am rooting for you!!! :)
Dear Susie
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