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i love him so much that it hurts...
17/f and hes 18/m.
my boyfriend and i have been going out for a little bit over a year now, on and off of course... we were still hooking up during that time of not going out though so i still call it a year.
he now goes to colllege as a freshman and im a junior in high school. this distance is killing me, hes 320 miles away from me. but i see him so much already. i see him about 2 times a month for a weekend, its enough to make me happy. so this is a long distance relationship i suppose.
he was home for coloumbus day weekend because he had a 5 day break, so i was with him every second of those 5 days. having sleepovers, being with him all day, running aarons with him, seeing his grandparents with him and whatnot. it was a great weekend and im glad i spent it with him as much as i could :).
but recently, i have been feeling like... i dont know..... i feel like we just fight alot, but we only fought once since he went back up to school tuesday night. i feel like, i would be happier single, but i know in reality i wouldnt... i worry about him up there at college alot, like going to frat parties, im not going to stop him, its college. i want him to have a good time.
hes cheated on me once, a year ago exactly. i took him back thinking it was a small mistake it might be worth giving him a chance and if its not then ill break up with him...look where we are now 1 year later. <3
i just feel like i dont know, i love being in a relationship with him, he treats me right and i love him with all my heart, but him being away just kills me, i know thats normal.
lately with me being kicked out of high school for 90 days (started in june last year...long story please dont ask this isnt on that subject..) ive just been attending tutoring classes and just trying to work my way through this situation. so when im not in tutoring, im just alone thinking about stuff, and you know how physco you can go when your alone for too long and thoughts and fears get to you... well i think that has happened to me.
this is so confusing i know, but im so confused and this is what is going through my head. lately all ive been thinking about is him, thats really all i think about, but i cry when i think about him. i get upset.... he does some messed up things like when hes home im so happy to see him and he just fallls asleep... we go get a movie from blockbuster (a walk to remember) and he falls asleep in the middle of it, not only did i stay up all night and cry, i looked at him and cried. it was the worst night ever.
hes not doing anything physically wrong, hes up at college getting drunk and high and having fun, i dont blame him. but he constantly walks away from the computer for like 40 minutes at a time so i think hes ignoring me, and i get upset. he doesnt really know how to compliment and he points out my flaws alot, like if i have a pimple on my face or on my back he tell me, like i didnt know already....
sometimes he just makes me feel like such shit, other times he makes me feel like a princess. lately ive just been a bit obnoxious to him but i reallly really dont mean to, i know you guys are gunna point that out. i dont know, i just need some help on what to do. i love him so much and all thats been on my mind lately for no reason is breaking up with him.. i guesss... this is fucking killing me. i really need some help<3
please & thank you!
- L
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Listen to your gut. Don't ignore it because that's the worst thing. Reading this, it seems like deep down you know that this guy is not for you. The way he treats you sound just so shitty. But i think that at the same time you love him so much, its hard to let go, even though you know he isn't doing you any good. But you have every right to be upset with everything. Long distance is a tough thing. I would tell you to do exactly how you feel, break it off, because you are basically in pain. You deserve better. Who will make you happy, hyper, sad, emotional, beautiful, and at the same time not critisize your flaws. That is just plain wrong. But i'm sure that to just break up with him is going to be hard, so i would probably just recomend you guys having an open relationship since you guys are long distance...but if you can be strong enough to let him go, go for it :)..good luck
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