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feelin nothing but anger? i think i am crazy...
ok so finally im commin out with it i honestly have not felt a single emotion other than anger or a good happyish kinda feeling when im drunk nd i have to have a gd buzz too, anger nd hate i feel nd it burns me from the inside but its a creepy im gonna explode nd be happy nd i serriusly start going crazy but i keep my sanity at the same time in a way but i mean i have to try to create emotions in front of ppl even if i couldent care less about them but i dunno
i just dont really trust people except like 1 guy who is liek my drinkin buddy so obviussly trust grows from random gd feelings but there r times when nothing not even death has fazed me a single drop of sadness... iv had pretty messed up things happen in the past with death but what i wanna know is y cant i controll my anger but styill stay sane?
y when i feel absolutaly nothing i start cracking inside nd start thinking of just psycho ideas aspecially how any1 would fall to my power??? and no i do not think im the best far from it but its somthing that runs threw my head im just so confused its anoying the hell outaa me there are other things but i dunno if its important anyway i hope some1 can help me out cus i want to have peace with me and my mom shes completely dissowned me and... i couldent give a SH*t...
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Maybe give some free advice about: Spirituality?
haha. nice. well, you obviously do care, that much is true. here's the problem, you need to actually try caring about shit. sure, there's times when being a cold, calculating bastard is appropriate, but the rest of the time you would do good to try. and if you're consuming ridiculous amounts of booze, cutting back might help you out. seek out anger management, they'll help you control that temper. the problem again, is caring. most of the time you won't feel like doing those little "calm down" mantras when you're pissed off. you'll just want to continue spooling up the rage until it just snaps and shit dies. think about the consequences, even if its just the selfish "what'll happen to me if I fuck this dude up?" and not whether or not you're going to kill him.
-Gunner.
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You say you haven't felt any other imotion apart from anger in a good while, and that you've had past experiences with death and such. But now you can't shed a tear? Maybe you've been through so much, that your mind and heart have completely shut down, so you won't hurt anymore that you have been, or are. I also have to say drinking isn't wise, when you drink your body losense up abit and causes a feeling of relaxation "buzz", but when you're out and back to normal, the feelings you had before, i.e. anger. Will be more heartfelt and cause you to stress.
You don't trust people, except for your drinking buddy, you may want to see a spychologist and get your feelings out in the open along with any thoughts you are having. As for your mom, if she disowned you as you say, then go to another adult you know fairly well, teacher, guidence counslor or friend, or search the web for your local suicide hotline and they maybe able to help you with your problem.
You're not crazy, it's normal for everyone to go through something like this, not exactly like your case, but depression, anger issues are common in teens...Hope I helped.
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