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is it a rule that every first love must come to an end?
so, im 17/m, my girlfriend (17 too) and I have been going out for almost a year and 3 months now. She's my first girlfriend, but really love her.
A few weeks ago we were on our way back from some back-to-school shopping in the city and she asked me how I felt about having a girlfriend when i was in college, (we're planning on going to different colleges next year and she wasn't sure how to feel either). I freaked out, had a meltdown and told her all kinds of things i had thought about, but never acted on. Like how she's my first girlfriend and how I wasnt 100% sure of how strongly I loved her, since I havent been with anyone else. After getting back to her house, we talked some more and cried alot and decided to just be friends for a while.
I got home, felt terrible and didnt sleep at all that night. I still loved her, she never did anything that annoyed me or made me love her any less. I texted her how horrible I felt that morning and we decided to meet and talk that night.
We were back together again within 24 hours. I had never felt better. Instead of leaving her house crying, i practicaly skipped to my car and happily waved goodbye to her as i drove away. I thought we were all better.
That was a few weeks ago, and now she's telling me that she's afraid to love me because i hurt her feelings when we broke up. She did the same thing when we started going out because her last boyfriend broke up with her and made her feel terrible. Ive been working as hard as i can, spending as much time as i can with her. I guess i cant really blame her because i freaked out so badly, but i want to make us work again!
I'm running out of energy trying to love her and getting no love back. Last night she gave me a handjob and wouldnt even look me in the eyes. i felt so detached...
Is there any way to fix what we have? or was our relationship doomed all along since she's my first? What can i say or do so that she knows i love her even though ive never had anything else?
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Hi!
As I read your question I couldn't help but think about your question's title. Yes, many people do not stay with their first relationship because they may be inexperienced, not know what they want, or want to have fun with other people. But they way you described your girlfriend sounds like she's a very lovely person, and if she has patience with you I'm sure you're just as lovely as she is. I don't think you two should fall apart, you guys sound wonderful, and I know that it gets tiring trying to make her happy and receive nothing in return. She may be hurt, but I don't see a reason as to why she shouldn't return any love. I think it's pretty clear that what you're doing is letting her know you love her. Tell her that you don't need anyone else but her, that with her, you've learned how to love, and that you thank her for that. Tell her that with her by your side you're as happy as you could ever be. I mean, write down EVERYTHING and just show it to her. Let her know that you don't want to be like her ex, that you want to be her only one and that she won't ever have to worry. Girls want to be reassured over and over and over (not all in one day though, over time) and they want to feel safe and secure in their relationship. Everything must be mutual, sex, love and affection, and so on. For now, you two need to have a serious talk. Affection is more important than sex, and if she's depressed or deeply sad I don't think sex will cheer her up, only your love and affection and attention. Be sorry that you hurt her feelings, and let her know you didn't mean to.. Let her know you want to fix evrything but with her help. But also let her know that the way that she's acting is upsetting you too. Let her know that you love spending time with her and that you want to make her happy, but that you feel like little is being returned. A relationship consists of 2.
I hope I helped, and I wish you guys good luck!!!
Uniq =]
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i know exactly what you're going through. because i put my boyfriend through the same thing.
we all get scared off at times, i think you just freaked out on her because you LOVE her so much, and are scared of the possibility of losing her.
don't break up just because you think that nobody stays with their first love. it does happen. love her unconditionally, treat her like a princess. she does have her guard up though. i'm sure she had it up when she first started dating you, and then slowly let it down but after you broke up with her, it wen't back up again and showed her how vulnerable she really is and how quickly something can be taken away from you that you really love.
give her all the attention like you're doing. she's a girl, we all take time to heal. you hurt her, she is going to be a little sour towards you. talk to her, ask her what you can do to be close again. tell her how you're feeling, let it alllll out on the table boy.
i wouldn't ask her to be doing anything sexual right now. i would work on other things. you can buy her flowers (: we all love those. take her out to dinner. just sit there and cuddle with her and tell her you won't let anything happen to her because she means so much to you.
look her in the eyes and tell her you love her. just be there for her. i know it might get old, but like i said it will take time for her to let her guard down. but it will happen.
good luck! if you need anything else, don't be afraid to come back! ♥ LU
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Alright Shes your frst Girl Right. You'll find Another One But Not As Well As Her. In College Anything Can Happen. Feelings Can Get Hurt. She Has To Stop Thinking About The Past And Move On With You Or Stay In The Past. Just Tell Her Are You Sure You Don't Love Me Because I'm Not Like Your Other Ex I Won't Hurt You Like He Did. And She'll Say The Answer Your Hoping.
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There's no rule saying that you can't be with your first love forever, it may not happen often, but it does happen. So don't give up on this relationship, because you'll only regret it. If it doesn't work out in the long run then at least you know you tried. So give it your all.
There are tons of ways to keep in touch while going to seperate colleges: Letters, texts, e-mails, phone calls, gifts... The possibilities are endless.
And you did hurt her, so just be patient. It sounds like after you broke up she raised her guard around you. Break through it; she's afraid to be hurt again so sit her down; reassure her. Make sure she knows why you said the things you did, and leave nothing un-said and make sure she does the same so you can soothe any fears she might have. Look her in the eyes and tell her you love her, and that you're sorry. Tell her how you were without her.
It might take a while to get things back to normal, but they will be. Just don't give up; you'll be fine. Inbox me if you need more advice on anything.
-Jasmine
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