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i have always enjoyed your advice and wondered if you could help me with a similar situation to this one:
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so it also has happened to me too, kind of, except a little more happened but we did not get too far even though it almost did. i thought it was out of the blue but he thinks it just happened. i have no idea.
i kind of made the mistake of asking him what it all meant afterwords (waited couple of days to ask) and didn't really get a clear answer so i kind of probed further and he said he didn't know what to say about it, that it just happened in th moment. and later used the "just friends" line of course but the reason makes sense because he's leaving (long story) and i have the option of pretty much never speaking to him again.
we were both a little tipsy (but not really) when it happened. and i feel like crap for liking him too much and he prob thinks nothing of it (dunno). when i confronted him about it, i am stupid and confessed my crush and asked him about his feelings and i'm not sure if he felt like he had to say he liked me back when i asked so he didn't sound like a jerk, but he's not really a liar type either. maybe he just said it to comfort me? and it's not like i'd know either way
and i don't know what to think bc it kind of did seem like he liked me at least a little (reasons), even though its hard to tell with him bc he's not a guy that's easy to figure out. maybe he didn't like me that much to care beyond anything and he kind of got into my pants so mission accomplished?!
i think it's a mean thing to do to someone. i don't know how he thought i would be okay. he wanted to hang out later but like he never really got back to me and i'm just not gonna ask until he does, which may be never. so. fine. right?
why would something like that take place if the other party wasn't interested? he isn't really the player type, not that i know him that well, but without divulging too much personal info about him, i am not sure. it just pisses me off. its prob something like how he thought it wasn't going to be awkward and i made a big deal out of it. not sure.
what do you mean when you say that you have made out with some guy friends and not have it be awkward? when was the moment "right" and how did you guys both know that it was going to normal after a few days?
i dont know how much this reveals or if there's anything that can be said about this because i'm leaving specific details out and he's different, but thanks for reading and helping people out.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
My encounters with guys like this have taken place with people I've been fairly good friends with for 1-3 years, but no longer than that. I think the longer you know someone, the more awkward hooking up with them would be. If you knew someone since you were 8 years old, then made out with them 9 years later, it would make it way more awkward because it would be like, 'okay, why did that not happen before?' You know?
With the people I've randomly hooked up with, it varies as far as how awkward it is. One person I hooked up with like that was extremely awkward afterwards. We're not friends anymore and haven't really been since that happen about a year and a half ago. We had only known each other a year, but it was a situation where I was looking into it too much (like you in this situation), and he thought of it as just a random thing that didn't matter.
Another friend that I made out with was completely not weird or awkward afterwards. We were partying (like you and the guy in this situation) and one thing just led to another and we made out for a little while. The next day when we woke up, we just kind of blushed a little bit and I left. We gave each other a couple days apart, then I went to hang out with him again. Our conversation went almost exactly like this, "That was weird that we hooked up like that, we've been friends for three years and that's the first time that's happened.." Then he said, "Yeah, I think it was just because we were drinking and stuff" (And that's exactly how I felt about it too) so we both just laughed and I agreed. Then I said, "You wanna watch a movie?" and that was the last time we talked about it.
I think the issue is how each person feels about it. If one person looks into it too much and the other doesn't, it makes things awkward. But if both people just think of it as a random thing, or both people want to talk about the possibility of a relationship- it's not so weird because you're both thinking the same thing.
I think in your particular situation, you're looking into it, and he's just thinking of it as being a random hookup that doesn't really matter or need further investigation. Like he just wants to move on and not talk about it anymore. But he did tell you he has a crush on you, too. Whether or not he really does, he's the only one that knows. He could be saying that to make you feel better, or he could really think that.
You mentioned that he's leaving, so it's probably best not to invest any more feelings into him. There is also a big possibility that the reason he's not acting very into it, is because he's leaving. If he really does like you, it would explain why he's saying that it was just a random thing. He doesn't want to invest any feelings and get hurt when he leaves, or hurt you when he leaves.
Random hookups are very complicated, especially when they're with friends. It can make for some very bad or very good situations, depending on each individual case. That's why it's probably best not to do random hookups with friends without knowing where each of you stand. If he had said before you fooled around, "Now, we're just friends and this is a heat of the moments sort of thing", you'd know exactly where he stood before it happened. But, because hooking up doesn't work like that (usually), it leaves you wondering what was going through his mind when it happened.
You asked about the moment being 'right'. What I mean by that is the setting, the mood, the time, and the situation. If the setting is an empty room at a party, you're both a little bit tipsy and the room is dark except for a moonlight shining in the window- the setting is perfect for a random hook up. You know?
The same way a beach at night, with moon shining down on a couple and the waves crashing against the shore is the perfect setting for a romantic relationship.
Since you're both a little drunk, you're probably in a good mood, you know each other so you're comfortable; hormones tend to take hold every once in a while.
See, you guys wouldn't have hooked up if you were stone sober in a Wal-Mart toy aisle. It was probably night and you were probably alone. You guys were a little bit intoxicated. The setting almost influences your mind a little, if you know what I mean.
As far as the guy in your situation, he's leaving. If you really want to know what was up with it, you need to ask him directly: "Was that just a hook up to you, or did you think it had some meaning behind it?" It's not like it matters if he gets angry and doesn't want to talk after that, because if you don't get things cleared up, you'll probably not be able to be friends much anymore because you'll be wondering what it meant.
Hope this helps,
Darby(:
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