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Helping someone cope with relationship issues
Someone extremely close to me recently developed very, very strong feelings for someone. Now it seems apparent that nothing is going to happen between them. Now she is constantly, and I mean CONSTANTLY depressed (I live with her, so I know), just lying around and not wanting to talk with anyone. It's been going on for several weeks now, and I just do not know what to do anymore...I've tried telling her it's going to be okay and not to worry because this isn't the end of the road for her romantically, but nothing seems to help. I feel like I need to do something, but I just don't know what to do or say anymore...I can't bear seeing her like this anymore. Thoughts, anyone?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Id just make sure that she knows you are there for her, try and talk to her about it but if she wont open up then just let her know that your there for her when and if she wants to talk.
Try and have a girly day with her. Go shopping, paint each others nails, do each others make up, face masks, watch a movie. Just both have a pamper day to try and make her forget about this guy. She needs her girls around her right now.
I hope this helps
xxx
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Sit down and have a real heart to heart with her. Don't do a huge amount of talking. Mostly listen and perhaps ask questions to get her talking. There may be something going on she isn't opening up about; perhaps some insecurities due to a past situation or a fear of being alone in the future, etc.
There may also be a deeper underlying depression issue that is causing her to feel or seem she is depressed about this guy when in fact she has a depression disorder that is being blamed on this guy.
In the talk I would suggest you asking her to talk about how she is feeling. Ask if it is the guy or something else that is bothering her. Ask what qualities this guy possessed that she found so attractive, if she has ever felt this way about anyone else... get her really talking and try to find out what is at the root of her depression.
Important things NOT to do is tell her "everything will be okay", "there are other guys out there", "this guy is a jerk for not chosing her". These are all generic things that she either doesn't want to hear or already knows. People cannot be forced to fall in love with other people. If this guy is not interested in your friend he cannot help that and if he were somehow forced into it, he could end up making your friend even more miserable.
She deserves someone who will love her for who she is. Someone who has a lot of things in common with her that she can do things with and be best friends with. She deserves happiness and a man that will not only make her happy, but that she can reciprocate and make him happy as well. There should be no settling.
It sounds as if she is young. It is difficult sometimes for young people (this includes 20's) when they care about someone who doesn't return this feeling. This happens to nearly 100% of all people. There are those lucky few who may feel little or no rejection, find a special someone, and be happy for years to come. But for most of us, there is rejection, heartbreak, and sadness. And this is okay! Believe it or not, sadness and mourning is all part of human life. It is not fun and most of us try to avoid it, but it is natural and it is okay. If she is sad and wants to cry, then that is her right and should be allowed to do it. Crying will help release that sadness and help her heal from her sadness.
You may feel that several weeks is long enough to be moving on from this guy. It may take her a little longer, especially if she is having issues of insecurity regarding her future love life. If she is ready to settle down, get married, have a family, this may be hitting her harder than one might think but it may not exactly be about this specific guy... more that she realizes if she is not able to do it with him, then her dreams are further away than she had hoped.
I would suggest being there for her for a while yet allowing her to open up and have time to heal. If she doesn't feel better in the next couple of months, it may be helpful to carefully suggest she find someone who specializes in this kind of thing (a therapist) who can help her work through it. Again, it could be an underlying depression disorder that needs more than just a friendly shoulder and crying over a gallon of ice cream.
Best of luck.
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