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Well a lot has happened in the last couple of days. My wife moved back into the house on Friday. We talked a lot and she finally told me yesterday that she is ready to give it a shot. Through the talk I learned a lot about her, and also a lot about myself. One thing I realized is the type of person that I am and what makes me tick. Ever since we’ve been together we have always needed each other. Not financially, but emotionally. She needed me to be there to protect her and keep her safe. She needed me to show her love and affection, and I also needed her. I said once before that I do not want to be alone; that I need to be in a relationship. We were dependent on each other for a lot of things. Well now that she has been out on her own a little bit and got to experience what it would be like to be a single mom, she discovered that she could do it on her own. She realized that she didn’t “need” a man in her life. She has now become much more independent than she ever was. It’s a very good thing for her, and I am happy that she was able to achieve that, but it makes me feel like shit. You see I need to be needed. It’s just the type of person that I am. It makes me feel good about myself. If my wife doesn’t need me, then what am I here for? What is my purpose? I just recently discovered this about myself, and it all makes perfect sense now. The reason that I was pressuring her into showing me love and affection was all because I wanted to feel needed. This is one thing about me that I will never be able to change. So now I have a lot of work to do. I have to make her fall back in love with me. I haven’t the slightest clue how I’m going to do it, but I am going to try my hardest. The biggest factor is going to be her attitude. Just like you said, it takes both people to get through this. I hope her head is in the game. One thing I told her is enough of the B.S. I am going to stop talking about it, stop nagging, and pressuring, her. I am going to try my hardest to become the man she fell in love with. I am also very sorry to hear about your situation. It is very unfortunate that he isn’t trying to make it work. He must be a stubborn person. Maybe if you actually left, he would try to change to get you back. I guess who am I to talk. I’m in the same boat as you. Hopefully my wife will put her heart into it, and have some faith and believe we will get through this. I also hope that your husband will snap out of whatever funk he is in. Best of luck to you and I’m sure I will talk to you soon.
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My husband also feels the need to be needed. I am a very independent woman, and I alway have been since the day we met. He liked this when he met me, but soon realized that I was not dependant upon him for anything, and he totally hated this. I love my ability to be able to provide for myself and not have to depend on a man for evrything. It's not that I don't want my husband to buy stuff for me or to lavish me, but when a woman has to depend on a man for everything, he feels that he develops this attitude that he is in control and therefore the woman has to put up with any shit he dishes at her because she needs him, because of her dependancy. If you know what I mean. Lately, I am finding that my husband is becoming dependant on me, and I am totally hating it, i find myself having to pay all the bills in the house, and now i feel like hay, if i gatta do everthing in this house, why the hell do I have him? Another reason why I am thinking of leaving. My husband really does have good intentions, when he works he doesn't mind taking care of his repsonsibilties, but lately he is not working much. I know the economy is bad now, but I don't see the determination in him to go out there and make it happen. Anyway, enough about my situation. Your wife, I think is making tremendous progress, just a little more time and effort from both parties and things will be better than they were before. I know it is going to be tough for you knowing that your wife is not as dependent upon you as was before, but this is all apart of a mans ego, you will get over it in time. When your wife decides to give herself to you completely and you find that things are going just the way you want it to, you will totally forget about her independ nature. But I think that as time goes by you will actually appreciate her being an independent person, it may be hard to deal with the attitude, but I think you can handle it. It will be a small issue when you look at what you are going through now. Good luck.
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