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Trying to protect my child
I am a parent of a three year old. I am no longer involved with the father, but still speak with him. Lately his new girlfriend has become obsessed with my child. She takes pictures and buys toys and outfits for her. I do not feel comfortable with her being around my child. What can I do to make sure she stays away?
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Well, your actually kind of lucky because I can speak to you first hand about this situation as I am involved in this same situation, only with a younger child, and I am the "other girl". Haha. The only difference is that I ended up marrying the father in this situation.
First off, when I was first dating my NOW Husband, his ex-girlfriend didn't really want me to be around her child at first and I respected that, for a WHILE. But, there comes a time where your are just going to have to accept that your ex has a right to live his OWN life and you cant LEGALLY monitor what he does with his parenting time with your child, anyhow. Besides, would you want him telling you that you can't have your boyfriend around your daughter? No! It goes both ways. Also, seeing how a "potential spouse" acts with your child is a major step in a relationship. You wouldn't want to be with someone who isn't good to your child and doesn't treat that child the way that you see fit. And that is, after all, the purpose of dating... to "prepare" for marriage and to see if you are compatible with this person. Ya know? Now, since they are not married, he really should respect it if you have voiced your concerns about her being around the child, but just know that she has a RIGHT to be with her boyfriend and your ex has a right to have whoever he wants around the child. Try to remember that you are NOT the only parent in this child's life and you are NOT the most important parent either. You are BOTH important and both of you should be spending time with the child on your own and loving the child. Legally, if he is established as the father already, he has just as many legal rights as you do. Just because you have physical custody of the child, doesn't mean you are the only parent that matters and for the sake of the child, you should take that into consideration. Again, you are both EQUALLY as important.
The only way that you can legally "make her stay away" as you put it, is if the father has no legal rights and is not paying child support. But, if he is paying support and seeing his child, no judge in the land is going to allow you to monitor who he allows around your child unless you have grounds for a restraining order or protection order. That means that she has to THREATEN you DIRECTLY, or the child.
I understand, REALLY I do, that you are concerned and it is hard being in your shoes, I am sure. I have actually talked to my hubby's ex and I get how she feels, but you just have to realize that the father has a right to his own life as well and a right to include that child and WHOMEVER else he wants to be there. My advice to you is to TALK TO HER and try to make her understand how you feel and then... RELAX and accept the situation. It's really not within your rights to do anything about it anyhow. I also really hope that she respects your role in this situation and is willing to make a "Common Ground" with you and talk to you or the sake of getting along for the child. You don't have to be "besties", but kinds can sense tension and even at such a young age!
Good luck to you and I hope that for the sake of this child you can all try to work this out. Thanks again!
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