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I'm home
Well, I came back home today. I guess so far so good. We had a long talk yesterday before I got home, and it’s still pretty rough. It’s funny that you said she was coming around a lot quicker than you thought, because I feel that it’s not quick enough. I know that’s wrong, but I feel like I’m miles ahead of her just waiting for her to catch up. What I mean is that, it really bothers me what happened. The hardest thing I’m having to deal with is getting the images of them two together out of my head. But it’s not preventing me from moving forward. I love her and I want to hold her and kiss her and all of those things. One of the weirdest things is I’m actually very sexually attracted to her. It’s almost like I already started over. I have the same feelings for her like I did when we first started dating. For me the spark came back. I know that’s a little strange, but I feel like if that’s where I’m at then she should be in the same boat. She is still very emotionally distant, and I know that she still has feelings for this guy. Which I think is stupid. He is 8 years older than her and just got out of a long marriage. I know for a fact that he was just using her. He took advantage of her in her time of weakness. There is no way he was leaving for 6 months and trying to find the next love of his life after that long of a relationship. He was looking for a fling and a hot POA. Plus I already know that the dude was a man whore. I am trying to convince my wife of that because if she accepted that it would be easier for her to get over him. I know that I can’t make her feel differently, but I still tried. Anyway, I made her a promise that I am going to start taking the pressure off of her. It will be the hardest thing for me to do, but I will do it. I guess it’s just my personality, but I am not letting it bother me as much as it bothers her. She still won’t open up to me and tell me the things I want to hear. She told me that she loves me and wants to work things out, which is great, but I am still very scared of getting hurt again. If she can just get to a point where she can accept what happened, she can maybe start to show me she loves me again. I hope that she really does. I am having a hard time believing it without any action. Today I got home and brought her flowers. She liked them a lot. She went to sleep and left me still feeling very lonely. There doesn’t seem much more I can do right now but wait. I am sure that in a few days I will come back and ask you for more advice. Hopefully it’ll just be me saying that everything is getting better. Anyway thanks for the ear, and I will talk to ya soon.
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Good to know that you moved back home and both of you are working on your marriage. But you say that you feel like you have already moved on and that what happened is not preventing you from moving foward, but the fact that you cannot get "the images" out of your head says otherwise. Also, the fact that you told your wife that this guy was just using her and never had intentions of having a long term relationship with her tells me that you have not really put what happened in the past behind you as yet. I am sure that your wife knows by now that she was used by this guy, she doesn't need to be reminded. By throwing this at her you are adding fuel to the fire and I warned you about that. I know you really want everything to be out the open about what really happened, and I think you deserve to know, but be really careful how you approach the situation. Sounds to me like until you know for sure what happened, you will not be able to "really" get over this. It is clear to me that you love your wife unconditionally, and I can't tell you when or if she will come around to loving you again. But what I think you should continue to do, is to shower her with love. You said that you are prepared to wait because you love her, so stop being impatient and wait. You said that you want to hug and kiss your wife, don't say it, just do it. She is still your wife. When are you too planning on beginning counseling? Good luck and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
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