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Close friend, not so close anymore. :(
My friend, C, and I met about 10 years ago. She was 4, and I was 6. But that didn't stop us from becoming best friends! We spent everyday together, told eachother secrets, played imaginary games, rode our bikes everywhere, and never even got sick of eachother. Not for a second.
Well, now we're both in our teens and going through normal teen stuff. She just graduated junior high and I'm going into my junior year of highschool. We don't go to the same school, but I know she's popluar. She mostly hangs out with two main girls; N and M. I mostly hang out with my boyfriend of five months, S. C has met S, and they get along really well. We hang out a lot, and she even brought M to his house once, and we just chilled. It was very fun.
But about 6 or 7 months ago, she stopped coming over to my house much. Like, if I ever want to hang out with her, I have to walk to her house and ask her, on the offchance that she's actually there, considering she's always with N or M. Now, every once in a while, she'll stop by my house and I'll be at S's. But then she always walks to his house and we 3 hang out. It's very hard to hang out with her, especially now that school has let out! She's never home! She doesn't have a cellphone or a housephone, and she's never on AIM. I feel like I'm putting so much effort into this friendship and not getting anything in return. Like, if she's bored she'll hang out with me. But then she'll want to go home, or already have plans for the weekend. And then when we actually do make plans, she'll make plans with someone else and totally forget about me!
I miss my old childhood friend. I miss the older days when it was only us two and no one else. She's known her friend N as long as she's known me, but she still hangs out with N a lot more than me. I want to talk to her about it, but I don't want to sound whiney or obsessive. What should I say?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
It's good that you want to talk to her about this. But you're right, you have to be careful. If you go about it the wrong way, you'll only push her further away.
When you talk to her, be careful not to say anything that indicates blame. Don't say things like, "You're always with N. I go to your house and you're never there. You always forget when we make plans. I put so much into this friendship. You've changed." That or anything along those lines will just make things much worse.
The best way to go about this is casually. If you sit her down and say something like, "We really need to talk. We haven't been hanging out as much as we used to and it's really starting to bother me. I miss hanging out with you and I wish we could hang out more", it will appear needy or whiny. Even though you're not putting the blame on anyone, she'll feel too cornered.
You should wait until the right moment to bring it up. The ideal moment would be a moment when you're together alone and in person. When you're lounging around on a bed or couch, totally at ease and comfortable with each other. When you're already having a heart-to-heart or deep conversation.
Start bringing up past memories, "Remember that one time when..." "Oh, yeah and then..." That way you're already on the subject of the past. Then say something plain and simple like, "Man, I miss days like that." She'll probably say, "Yeah, me too. That was so funny/scary/weird/fun."
Then you can say something like, "We should hang out more often and create new memories." Say it passively. You could still be giggling or smiling or whatever. Don't just stop and get dead serious and say it. Don't be too intense. Just say it and see what she says. She'll probably agree with you. Then you can try to make a date to hang out. She'll probably come then since she'll see that your guys' friendship is important to you and that you miss her.
If she by chance continues to break plans at the last minute or just forget them altogether, you'll have to have a more serious talk. At that point you can be more direct and say things like, "I don't understand why you would forget about our plans all the time. The first few times I let it go. But now it's starting to feel like you don't want to hang out."
But you can cross that bridge when you get to it. For now, just keep it casual and simple.
Darby(:
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