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Situation: Crisis
You know it’s funny because you asked the 2 questions that have been haunting me the most. Is she still in contact with him? And was she lying about them not sleeping together? If either is true the relationship will probably be over. I will tell you everything I know. She had worked with him for a few months and as far as I know they just worked together. He has 2 kids so they had that in common. She told me that she had always thought he was cute, so that attraction was always there. Nothing wrong with that. And my wife was much like you and that she never in a million years would have ever dreamed of cheating on me (I know her and I believe that) I can be a jealous person but I had 100% trust in my wife. She is the last person I would ever think could do something like this. She would always see people she knew that cheated and be absolutely disgusted by it. Anyways as I was saying, I’m sure he was saying all the right things and blah blah blah etc. She began to view him as a REALLY close friend…. I left for Florida on a Saturday for work. He was leaving for 6 months on Tuesday. My wife was sad he was leaving because they became so close. She asked him to come over on Saturday (The day I left) to say a final goodbye I guess. She convinced herself that they were” Just friends” and nothing was going to happen. Now this is where the story gets tricky. Story A: Originally she said that they hung out, talked and smoked. She kissed him, he left, and that was that. I was gone that whole week and they were in contact online. When I got home on the following Saturday she was acting weird. She told me we needed to talk and told me she basically “loved me but wasn’t in love with me.” Cause of the reasons previously stated in earlier posts. We made love that night and everything seemed ok. A new week started and she was still in contact with him through the whole week. (2 weeks now) She was still acting very weird and I suspected she was cheating and downloaded a Keystroke Recorder program, caught one of their conversations in which I read her saying “I love you sooo much” to this guy. I flipped out, woke her up yelling. The first thing she said was “I never slept with him.” We talked and she told me Story A. Now Story B: She later confessed that the kiss led to some foreplay. They made out for a while and she said it was all hands and no oral. It was getting pretty serious and then they both stopped and realized what they were doing. He left. When she told me all of this I was really hurt but found it in me to still stick around and try to work on it. Story C: A couple days later, she said that he came over twice. On Saturday nothing happened and they just hung out. Since nothing happened she invited him back on Sunday and this is when everything happened. So her story has changed 3 times, so I am having a hard time believing what she is saying. I hope I have the whole story but since the trust isn’t there my mind still pictures a worse scenario. And since she has told me more than once that she wants to talk to a professional alone before we do it together, makes me think she is still hiding something big. She swears on our daughter’s life that they didn’t have sex, but I still can’t be sure. Is it possible that she could’ve fallen in love with this guy in just 2 weeks without her having sex with him? Now as for the other question. She severed all contact with him the day after I found out. She gave me all the passwords to her home email, facebook, myspace, and deleted the messenger she used to talk to him. But… she still has a work email only accessible from her work. So I don’t know if they are still in contact. Could be? I need to find these 2 things out. If I don’t know the whole truth my mind will mess with me forever and I won’t be able to get over it. And I can’t approach her right now, and ask these 2 questions. If she did sleep with him and or is still in contact with him, she already denied it several times, so she would just deny it again and get mad at me. Can’t have that happening. And here is the kicker. He will be back in 6 months. So unless I can make her fall deeply in love with me again before he gets back, we are gonna have a serious problem. P.S. Neither of them can quit their job.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Well, based on what you are telling me, here is what I think happened. The first night, nothing probally happened, like she said, they probally kissed and that was it. But for her to invite him over again after what happened the first night, means that she wanted more and was well aware of what was going to happen. I think they did sleep together this time. And from personal experience, it is much easier for you to for get rid of that other person when you haven't slept together. What I am saying is that if your wife didn't sleep with this guy, I don't think she would be saying that she loves him, yes she might have feelings for this guy, but not love. When you sleep with the other person, we somehow feel this connection, or this bond that makes us feel like we are in love. And if she hadn't slept with him I think she would have been able to move on by now, the same thing with me. But in my case although I still love this guy, I had to make a decision as what was more important to me, my family or a fling that was going no where. By your wife telling you three different stories as to what happened, is a perfect indication that she is telling a lie. As far her having contact with this other person, believe me when I tell you, there are many ways for her to do that without you knowing. At one time my husband suspected that I was cheating on him and I denied it although I was. He took my cell phone and threw it against the wall and destroyed it, this was my main way of contacting my lover. My husband would get suspicious when I went out at night and I told him that I was going to see my mother, when I was in fact going to see this other guy. He knew that before I was always home, why all of a sudden I have this need to go see my mother. So after he destroyed my phone, when I went to work the next day, I called the guy and told him what had happened, he bought me a new phone that very day and I hid it from my husband, so me and this other guy were in contact everyday without my husband knowing, and instead of me meeting with him at night, I now would meet him on my lunch break. So if your wife wants to contact this guy, i'm just saying that she can. I don't want to portray your wife as the enemy, cause she may actually be telling you the know, but I honestly doubt that, I think you should go with you gut feeling. It is usually right. And try not to let this whole situation eat you up, because it will start to affect your ability to function properly at work among other thing. I know that this is a really hard thing to swallow, but if it is true love, you to will wind up back together again and happy like before.
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