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I am not sure
I greatly appreciate your advice, and it really helps talking to somebody. Now I know for sure that if my wife had told me how she was feeling, that I would have done everything I could to fix it. It is my mentality. I am a maintainer. I work on planes and fix them when they are broke. If I ever sensed a problem in my marriage, I would confront her and ask her what was bothering her. She would always say "Nothing is wrong". I never ingnored her, or her feelings. She is the type of person who keeps stuff bottled inside and goes on living her life. She tries to blame herself for everything that is wrong. I think maybe her expectations of marriage are what caused this problem. Maybe she believed that the feeling you get when you are with someone at the beggining (The butterflies, and the sparks) should always be there. That is what "In love" means to me. I don't believe that feeling should and is supposed to last forever. Being "In love" is a feeling, and loving someone is a commitment. Maybe I'm wrong, but those weren't my expectaions. Now I'm not trying to float my own but, but I was and still am a damn good husband. I helped out around the house, cooked, sometimes cleaned, always gave her anything she asked for. She used to brag to all of our friends what a great husband I was. In her friends' eyes I was the perfect husband. I know that I'm not and I made many mistakes, but I thought we had a healthy marriage. We NEVER argued, never fought, never went to bed angry. For the last 4 years, I really thought we had the perfect marraige. She told me after the fact that she began to feel like we were roomates. I worked a night shift and she worked days. I get it, but there were no signs. It just happened. And now I am confused on how to fix it. I am showing her love and affection, and not recieving ANY, and that is hard on me. I believe in our marriage. I think I just need to hear that she does too, and show me she still loves me. This other guy will never treat her as good as I can. I think she is blinded by the "In love" feeling. I'm upset because I don't think she understands that if she leaves me for this guy, or any other for that matter, that feeling will go away again. And it's hard because right now this guy is superman. In her eyes he is everything I'm not. She sees my flaws but doesn't see his, even though he is seperated and technically cheating on his wife. He should be working on his marraige and instead he's trying to destroy mine. This guy is an asshole. Sorry this is long, I just need to get it out, and thank you for listening. Please give feedback on my thoughts
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You really do sound like a pretty good and decent man. I wish my husband was like you. You seem to be one of the few. I really don't know what to say. Some women don't realize when they have something good or they just can't seem to appreciate a good man. It seems to me that you have tried your best to make the situation better, but your wife does not want to do her part. I think maybe you both should spend some time apart from each other just for a while, maybe then she will realize what she is missing out on and come to her senses. Have you seeked family couseling? I totally understand the part about her seeing your flaws and not this other guys, because that is exactly what I did. I saw all the wrong my husband did, but this other guy could do no wrong. I had to mae a choice, I realized that no relationship is perfect. I know what I have (meaning the type of husband I have), but I don't know what I am going get (meaning if I start over with someone else). This is what made me realize that I was only kidding myself, I needed to make my marriage work, for better or worse. I also know that there are all sorts of sexually transmitted diseases out there and that made me afraid also. I don't think that this other guy will treat your wife better than you will, but some women are just suckers for bad treatment. How long are you prepared to wait on your wife to come to her senses? Do you really feel that she truely loves you? Reply.
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