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crazy or just caring
So this guy i've been seeing for a while is totally awesome and i like him so much. he is usually really cool with whatever i do and doesnt protest against anything. if i drink every once in a while he doesnt think its a big deal. basically he is just very chill and cool wtih stuff.
This past weekend my friends wanted to doo hookah and i was texting him and decided to ask him how he felt about that. ive never done it before and i was interested in his opinion. basically he went off about how i might as well be smoking pot. and i told him they are completely different blah blah blah and we get in a bit of an arguement. first arguement we've ever had i might add.
So were texting back and forth and he just kept saying "just dont do it" and i responded that i can do what i choose. and then he said he wouldnt want what we have to end over something as stupid as smoking because he doesnt put up with that.
i would just like to once again add that he is so not like this usually! he is usually so cool with everything. but for some reason when it comes to smoking of any kind, even as harmless as hookah, he just wont put up with it.
He said that i respect myself and that is one of the reasons he really likes me. And he said i am better than that. Now he is a few years older than me so i understand he is looking out for me and doesnt want me getting into bad habits.... but... its HOOKAH. its virtually harmless. i don't know... is he being way irrational or simply caring about me? opinions/experiences would be appreciated! (sorry for the length) thanks!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Never have a serious conversation over text messages.
I'm serious. Even if you ignore every other piece of advice you get here today, take this experience and learn this:
DON'T HAVE SERIOUS CONVERSATIONS OVER TEXT MESSAGES.
If you try to have a serious discussion over text messages, this will almost always happen. People will get entrenched in their own opinion, obstinate and unhappy. It’s not a place for dialogue; it’s more like a billboard. Texts are fundamentally depersonalizing, and by virtue of necessity they par serious discussions down to simple, assertive sentences. Depersonalizing someone when you talk to them (which is a fancy way of saying distancing yourself from them emotionally and intellectually) and then using short, direct sentences is a PERFECT recipe for miscommunication and conflict.
There is no way to judge his behavior over a text message argument. It’s like trying to judge if someone is a bully by watching them dance the Macarena. There just isn’t enough information there. Let this go for a little while. After a few days to calm down, have an actual, face to face, respectful and honest discussion. Don’t get your back up and get all ‘I’ll do whatever I want too!” That is totally true! But it’s not dialogue or ‘asking for his opinion’, those are fighting words.
It’s okay for you two to disagree. It’s okay for him to not like it. He might be irrational about it, or he might not. But trying to have a ‘dialogue’ over text messages, that IS irrational.
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hookah isn't harmless, if you are smoking tobacco, its addictive. If its pot, its illegal. Most people don't blow up about nothing. Maybe he despises smoking so much because a family member died or is dying because of smoking? Any kind of smoking is very bad for you. It poisons your body with carbon monoxide, which causes a lack of oxygen to your brain and slowly kills brain cells. This person obviously really cares about you, so I would sit down and find out why they got so upset(without arguing) and see how you can fix it. When you are young you are going to try things and make mistakes, just really think about things before you do them, and try not to let peer pressure get to you.
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