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What to say when meeting new people
17/f-- So I have this problem that I don't know how to strike up and hold a conversation with a new person. With my friends, I am very talkative, probably the most talkative in my group, because I know what is alright to talk about with them, and obviously we have alot in common/spend alot of time together so there is always somthing to talk about. And, I am not shy at all. I will just start talking to a stranger in a store. I will just start talking to them about how I like their shoes. Anything. My friends think I am crazy for this. I am not, by any definiton, a shy or nervous person. The thing is, those conversations with random strangers are like 30 sec. In and out, nice meeting you, goodbye. But say for example, I am at a party, and I see somone, girl or guy, that I just want to meet and get to know. I will approach them and say "Hi", but then after that I am completely at loss for words. I am not nervous, not tounge-tied, I just cant thing of anything to begin talking about. It is so frustrating, because somtimes I see a boy that I would really like to talk to, and all I want to do is show him the talkative and interesting person that I am. I can say hi but then I really dont know where to begin. What topic? How do you open up somthing to say? With people I know, I know what girls can I talk about shopping with, what boys can I talk about video games with. What social groups can you discuss politics intelligently with... What I am saying is, with people I alreay know, I am good at striking up conversation because I know what is appropiate and how people will respond. But with a new person, where do I start? The whole situation is beyond frustrating, because people who know me like my personality, and I know other people would too, if I only had a chance to SHOW them, which is what I am unable to do when I have no idea what to say. Also, alot of times, I am able to say somthing relevent to the situation, but then the people are just like "yes/no" and the conversation is over. I mean, what am I supposed to do, sit around for five minutes and formulate a question that cannot be simply answered by yes/no? I mean seriously: "Do you like Pizza? If yes, please elaborate on your favorite brand and toppings, and if no, exlain why and name another food you enjoy more." No. This just sounds stupid. AHHHHHHHH please please help me with my horrible conversational skills! There are tons of people I would just love to get to know, I just dont know how to keep talking to them! I mean, literally list me some topics. Quotes. I dont care. How in the world do you know what is appropiate to start chatting sombody up about??? I can hold a conversation once it gets started or If the other person starts it first, but I cant start one up to save my life! help!
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i used to have the same problem as you but i am actually pretty shy. you are very right about the yes/no question thing. i've telemarketed and one of the first things taught to make rapport is to not ask yes or no questions. it actually does help doing that, but at the same time it is work. when the other person says stuff to you, it gives you ammunition to return conversation. possibly you are bad with that. i would say you do well by commenting on a person's clothing and such. most people will ask about music, favorite bands/music, movies, tats/piercings and stuff like that. personally, i'll usually ask people what is their most embarrasing moment that they will tell me. you can always ask about scars or birthmarks. plus if asking that to someone of the opposite sex you may get to see or touch. it's like they let you in a bit closer. if you liketheir cologne you can ask what it is and what else they wear. you can talk about pet peeves, fears, vacation spots, the weather, animals/pets, tv shows, you can ask them if they still believe in santa and what they want for christmas. you can talk about allergies or goofy family members or some silly teacher you used to have. if you show interest and are trying most people will accept you. i don't know if i was any help but i hope so.
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You can begin with small talk then when you suddenly think of good topics to discuss, go for it. Or wear/bring a conversation piece with history and begin talking about it like the bracelet your grandma made you or something, haha sorry that's the first example I could think of. Then they will perhaps share something about themselves similar to your anecdote. Or notice something about them like if they have a tattoo ask about it. You could start off with current event and news. Or innocent gossiping about other people at the party. Or start off with a compliment, that always works. You don't have to be the one to always keep the convo going. Yes, ask them open-ended questions about themselves. Come up with a list purposefully for theses kinds of situations beforehand. Like in party situations, you could ask them how they know the host? or how they are enjoying the party depending on the party. Make comments about food or other people or whatever. Open up with "this party is great, isn't it?" Or a funny observation about the party which will make them laugh. Then introduce yourself. That will be relevant. Or you can be completely random which is always funny too. Nothing wrong with just going up to a random guy and striking up a conversation about pizza. He will probably take you as spontaneous and hilarious and different from the rest of the girls in the crowd. Just be yourself. Or just start talking about the food served at the party and transition into pizza somehow. Walk around the party dancing until you come up with something good to talk about.
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