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a boyy
hey so you seem really enthusiastic for inbox questions, so here you go :) (and i'll leave good feedback!)
it is a boy problem (as always) but i know, personally, that everytime i get one of these questions, i'm like, "omgg it's not that hard. if you like him, TALK TO him!" but it's difficult for me now because i'm in a problematic situation that intertwines with friendship trouble.
in a nutshell, i like a guy and we're pretty good friends, but my problem is, i get WAY too jealous. like it's crazy. my entire day gets ruined if any sort of girl talks to him or touches him (playfully). like this happens in several classes.
for instance, in one of my classes, he sits in front of me and sometimes he talks to my "best friend" (used to be but ever since she got a boyfriend, things have changed) who inadvertently flirts with him although she's dating his best friend. and she'll be like, "ohh, _____, ha ha ha you're so funny" and i'll give her the death stare and be sour for the rest of the period. and i feel bad about it but i just get soo bitter cause i'm so jealous.
and in another class, he sits way up front from me and sits next to this other girl, and i don't know if she likes him or not or visa versa but they're always in groups together and what not. sometimes he talks to me though.
all in all, i highly doubt he's looking for a girlfriend right now, but i just want to get closer with him. he's soo nice sometimes. like a few days ago, this guy asked to borrow my highligher and then today when i asked for it back he said he left it at home, and my crush was like, "yo if you jacked her highligher ima mess you up" and i was like hahah awww. and he calls me several times a week for homework help and i always help him as much as i can even though he's smarter than me. i think he calls me more than my "best friend" since she's so busy.
i didn't think i would really like him since we're in the exact same circle of friends, and there are lots of connections and problems and such, but...
1. what should i do?
i can't call him and be like, "yeah i just called to talk" cause usually we talk about school (actually i can't recall a time when we haven't, although i'm sure i've just been like, "so how are things?") but i love when he says my name and just aah. but my "best friend" is a little more in on his life and extracurricular activities, whereas i'm not.
2. would it be weird if i talked to my "best friend"'s boyfriend who is best friends with my crush? (it's like the four of us plus a few other people who make up the circle of friends) i am afraid my "best friend"'s boyfriend will tell my best friend but i want to ask him how far my crush has gone with a girl without being weird about it. but he will think it's weird. should i just not talk to him about it? we're pretty close and all, my 'best friend"'s boyfriend and i.
and what are your general thoughts of the situation? like he's not PRUDE; he calls girls hot and stuff but last year three or four girls liked him and he didn't go out with a single one. he's definitely not a hot shit pimp kind of guy -- he's really sweet and kind-hearted. like a girl's best friend ought to be. but that's why i'm attracted to him. also i think him calling other girls hot also caused me to like him cause it's like, i want him to think I'M hot, you know?
AND I AM NOT TELLING HIM THAT I LIKE HIM unless we hang out alone or something. our entire friendship would be ruined. it's okay for me to flirt cause nothing is ever for sure, but pleasee don't suggest "tell him or he'll never know." and we never hang out alone -- it's always with that circle of friends. and i am upset with everyone in that circle except my crush and his best friend, who is my "best friend"'s boyfriend.
thank you soo much. ps i'm 15f.
take your time to respond -- i'd rather you take a few days and give a thorough answer than rush to answer an inbox question and do it half-heartedly. you'll get a five just for reading this, but i'll try to be detailed with my feedback.
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First of all, thanks for inboxing, and I'm really sorry it's taken me more than just a few days to respond; it's been a busy holiday! =]
Anyway...
1. Suggest hanging out just the two of you, or maybe if you have to get in a group in class, try to be in his group. Really it doesn't have to be much, just try to get to know him better with time. Like you're not going to be able to become good friends overnight ;].
2. Ehh, it'd be weird, but maybe that's just me. If you feel comfortable doing that, that's fine, but honestly I don't see a point in finding out "how far" he's gone with a girl. Won't that just fuel your jealousy?! ;]
My general thoughts on the situation? I think you shouldn't let jealousy get to you as much as it's seeming to. Next time you become jealous, just remind yourself that you two aren't dating, so there's really nothing you can do about it, as rude as that may sound.
Basically, try hanging out with him AWAY from your circle of friends. And really, if they aren't being your friends, then you shouldn't be hanging out with them.
--Jack
(17/m)
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