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life
here's my problem, lately I feel like I've done absolutely nothing with my life.... I feel really empty...I'm great at poetry and art. I've graduated from highschool during this year but I haven't gone to college yet because I have an avoidence personallity and I can't be around large groups of people I don't know,which is why I had a hard time in high school an now I'm seeing a psychiatrist... Well all my life I've spent helping others but I can't help my self. Its hard for me to get a girlfriend because I'm really shy and I've been alone for a very long time..I do love someone very close to me but she only wants to be friends..we haven't really been talking lately and I don't know why. An it feels like she's avoiding me, I've been trying to get myself together but more an more I feel so empty an I jus don't know what to do any more, thank you in advance for listing/helping
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i'm so sorry that you've had to go through this. I can relate to you in many ways. Thats awesome that you have that talent of poetry and art. What I would do if i were you is think about trying something new! like joining a club or group, where you will feel forced to talk. try not to think too much about what anyone is going to think of you. I think its something that will happen gradually so you will have to have some patience. Like try to get that side of you thats hidden, just say whatever you want, what you are thinking, how you feel, compliment people. Also you can try to smile a lot. Like try to walk with good posture and confidently, and for example, when you go into the grocery store, smile at people you pass by or that are looking at you. This will help make you look more approachable and open. And then like you can also try getting a new look. Change your look in a way that people that know you will be like "O my gosh....no way, that is not blah blah blah..he looks amazing". A new haircut, with an oufit from head to toe. That girl that has been avoiding you, you can purposely bump into with your new look. And be confident, and just don't talk to her. She will be starring at you in amazement and look at her, and if she does smiles, smile back or talks to you, then you can talk to her. Try to look online or in magazines for looks that girls go crazy for. You still want to be you, but the happy approachable you. Another thing, when you talk to her, make eye contact, not too much tho. but look her in the eye. or just any girl you have around you. Eye contact is a big thing. Girls like girls with a little muscle, so what you could do is also think about body building a little. the natural kind just to get your body that point girls love. Girls love guys with muscle and mid sized, and bigger than them. but neways. I hope i didn't say too much. And you don't have to do this all at once...little by little. Hope it helped, goodluck.:D my email is chris12677@yahoo.com is you would like to talk more.
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i'm going to break this down for you piece by piece. you have an avoidance personality. i'm just assuming that is a social disorder where you come off as highly shy and you have high anxiety either around large groups or around certain people. first it's good that you are getting help. i was probably in the same boat and it is quite a struggle to be honest. whether it's esteem issues or fear, you feel this way. when in college i would highly suggest some sort of oral communication class. you want to make it second nature to speak in front of others so there is much less fear. you could get some sort of sales job that forces you to speak more as well.
when it comes to love and getting girls, i suggest the following. first, try to be more open to many more girls. i know it's easy to find this one to be amazing. she very well may be. but really you almost have to get used to trying to talk to all girls. if you can talk to all girls, you can talk to the ones you really want to talk to. plus if this one wants to just be friends odds are she can only think of you as a friend. you'd be best to move on. heck maybe it would make her jealous if you were no longer interested.
normally the advice people give to someone shy is "um well go talk to people". basically they just say to stop being shy which is no help at all. but don't label yourself as shy. think of it more as you have to learn social skills. if you label yourself as shy you will believe it can't be changed. like u were born to be shy.
more often than not if you great someone with a smile, are pleasant, are funny the person will be glad that you talked to them. start smiling more. it will invite people to talk more to you first. be more open. if you go to a party, don't stand in the corners or against the wall. watch how popular people act. listen to what they say. try to emulate that. if you hear some interesting hello or remark write it down if need be. i hope was a bit of help. i'm sure i could think of more advice if you need it.
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