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ok alin 75! im the person who is dating guy of 3yrs. see u hit a few things on the head there are somethings i don't want to loose, but if i have too then so be it. now he is really is a good guy but there are a few things that like; i've been hurt before so its a little difficult to trust all the way, but then and now are 3 different things. i care for him but being in love with him him thats another thing, but he is a good provider, good lover, and tries his best to make me happy. deep down in side i dont want to loose that and i know i will never hurt him, but i dont think my feelings are in place they come and go and it is confusing me. help me if u can.
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Hey there.
I will be honest with you, I am no relationship expert. When I answered your original question, I felt it kind of answered itself, but now you want me to produce real wisdom, that is much harder :)
I do not really know how important love is (i.e. actually being "in love"). I have not figured it out yet, and I hear conflicting things. For some people a long term relationship could not exist without it, for others it is the qualities that you describe in your boyfriend that they consider to be most relevant.
Now, your boyfriend sounds like a really decent guy. I can understand your dilemma. However, the key here as I see it, is that you both need to feel happy and fulfilled in the relationship. Sometimes that is just not possible, other times it takes "work".
I cannot help you to understand your feelings as such, but I would encourage you to consider a few questions.
How long have you felt this way? Could this be a temporary thing, or is it something that has been building up for a while.
Could it be that the only thing you have in this relationship is a sense of safety? You say he is a good provider that tries to make you happy. In your first question you expressed a clear issue with just being in his company.
Can you see yourself with this guy in 10 years? how about 30? I mean this in all seriousness, picture yourself 30 years down the line, married and living with your current boyfriend. If the very idea sends shivers down your spine, then you are probably delaying the inevitable. If not, then perhaps there is something to work with.
All that being said, if you do break it up with him, it will end up hurting him no matter what. If he loves you, and it sounds like he does, there will be no easy way to do it. Remaining friends will also be quite difficult (though not impossible). However, if it is the right thing to do, for the both of you and your long term happiness, then it has to be done.
These kinds of decisions are always very tricky, and very hard to give concrete advice on. Basically you need to determine if your relationship has long term potential, and if he will ever be anything more than a friend to you. If not, then the only solution is to move on, irrespective of the nice things that one will end up losing as a consequence of ending it.
Good luck.
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