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persuassive essay
Can you please give me tips about this persuassive essay? 10 points. ?
I wrote this persussive essay. This is the 1st 2 paragraphs. Any tips to help make it better? Any criticism?
By the way. This essay does not necessarily mean i agree with the topic.
Television….Helpful or Harmful
Television is not really what you think it is. Television has little educational value. Television promotes violence, certain styles of clothing, and that affects the way you think. It gives you a reason to not exercise or eat right, which ends in health issues. It causes children to rebel, or beg their parents to buy items that the commercials showed.
The shows or commercials you see on television usually affect your actions, and the way you think. Boys who watch their favorite action shows are packed with fighting and violence. They cause them to think and act differently. Dr. Rodman, a licensed child psychologist, took a 12 year old boy named Charles, who had never watched any television in his whole life, and showed him 3 television shows packed with violence. When Charles came home, he took his little sister’s Barbie dolls and ripped off the heads. Girl’s who watch their favorite pop stars or “idols” on TV usually end up speaking and dressing like them. “My child came home and asked me to buy her a new wardrobe so she would be just like the girl on TV”, says Tessa Jones, mother of 2 children. Girls these days are becoming more aggressive, due to the latest news on television about famous stars. Television is affecting the minds and behavior of boys and girls.
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Pretty good argument, since you have some expert testimony to back it up and some examples. What do you offer as a solution?? Also, sometimes an argument is made stronger if you stick to only a couple of your strongest points and really back them up with more evidence, instead of giving lots of opinions and only backing a couple of them up. Make sure you conclude by restating your thesis...your main idea and make a suggestion about television alternatives that promote healthy life benefits. Good start!!!
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