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Overcoming inhibition with my boyfriend
Ok so I'm new at the whole boyfriend / girlfriend thing, and I feel like the process of me becoming more comfortable with the more physical (though not sexual) aspect of a relationship is going extremely slowly. I'm okay when my boyfriend initiates hand-holding, hugging, whatever, but for some reason I'm having a really hard time reciprocating - as in initiating anything myself. It would probably be useful to mention that I'm generally not a touchy-feely sort of person, and I tend to have a large personal space bubble. Plus, I'm kind of shy, so I think I've developed a sort of avoidance mentality where I often purposely try to avoid contact/interaction with people (yes, I probably act a bit anti-social at times, but I'm not a recluse or snob, just more of a natural introvert). Obviously, I want to get over this habit / mentality at least with my boyfriend. I don't hug him as much as he would like, nor frankly as often as I would like - half the time I feel like hugging him, I just don't for whatever reason. Irrational inhibition. He's also trying to get me to flirt more with him, which I haven't been able to bring myself to do yet (I've never flirted intentionally before :P). I really do want to do these things, so why don't I? Any ideas for how I can overcome my problem?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
First of all I would like to congratulate you for adding the not sexual part. It's a smart decision for you not to get sexual right now.
Most people have a inhibitions about physical contact because of doubt in themselves or lack of comfort with the other person.
What I would suggest is this. Remember, your boyfriend like YOU. Obviously he does or he wouldn't be with you. He WANTS you to hug him, hold his hand, ETC. I think that you feel like you might be doing something wrong or making others uncomfortable by initiating contact, but he won't feel uncomfortable. Just remember, by holding his hand you're making your self happy, at least I'm assuming you want to hold your bf's hand, and your MAKING HIM HAPPY at the same time.
Sometimes people feel uncomfortable in new relationships. Most of the time that goes away with time. You become more comfortable around each other. In the few cases where you don't start feeling comfortable around each other after a good amount of time that signifies that maybe you aren't right for each other.
Hope this helps.
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Well first, you must ask yourself "When did I start acting like this at one point in my life and what caused it?"
Once you can diagnose where, when and why it all started, you can share more with your boyfriend about why it is that you're not so "touchy-feely." and then you guys can work together through it.
I know how you feel. I'm not like that either but I've had things happen in my past to back that up. It makes me sketchy [I can't remember the right word] on relationships period. But I try my best.
I hope this helps.
-KD/f/15
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