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My life.
I'm kinda hating my life right now... Before, when I still had school, I would be depressed and mad a lottt. I think it's just cause of people. It's kinda hard to explain but I'll try my best. It seems as though each year (starting with 4th or 5th grade) I keep losing friends. You know, those really close bffl's. In elementary school, I was sad but I guess I didn't mind much and I moved on. Though now that I'm in middle school it's much worse. I'll be starting 8th grade soon. I always lose like my closest friend(s) I have. :[ It sucks! I don't know why! I don't know why they don't want to be best friends, or even friends with me anymore!!! ;[[[ They make it seem like they're bored of me, and think they're new friends are "better." I feel like I have no close friends, except maybe 1 or 2. Except one of those friends is annoying me right now. She has close friends on the computer. And she has one close friend too. She makes it seem she's her "bestest friend in the wholeee widee world" though I think it's ridiculous since they met on the computer. (I know you can have really good friends on the comp :]) But it seems like she's saying that CURRENTLY. I'm her best friend too. She invited me to play some game "Maplestory." I did, and she was "happy" She doesn't even talk to me on there. She kinda ignores me. All her friends that log on, she's like "wbbbbbbbbbbbb (welcome back) ________<333333333333333" and that annoys me soooo much! She doesn't even do that when I log on or even say a simple HI. It makes me mad! and I'm like one of her closesttt friends! What's the point in playing on it anyway? No offense, but she thinks she has "bffl's" on Maplestory but I kinda want to say STFU because you barely even know them! Does anyone know what I mean? The fact that it's summer, I feel like my life is useless. I have nothing to do! All I do is go on the computer all day, and that frustrates me. (please don't tell me to hang out with friends, or read a book, etccc because I know about that kind of stuff.) Summer is usually boring for me. When summer started, I thought I was gonna get away from all the drama at school. All my angry and depressing thoughts did leave for a while, but now they're back. I have a Myspace, and it kills me to see all the annoying things I usually deal with. I usually just have one so i can keep in touch with friends... I usually avoid going to people's profiles. I also get mad and depressed kind of easily. Right now I'm thinking "Life sucks!! I hate it!!!" I feel like there's nothing for me to do besides school, work, dealing with people, and dealing with my feelings. I feel empty or something. It sucks even more because I feel like I don't really have any "good friends" No offense....... Mannn I'm sooo bored lol xPPPP Then, in the future I imagine it the same way. I imagine my life like this: Losing friends ;[, dramaaaa, nothing to look forward to since I feel like I have NOTHING to do!!, etccc... I miss things, and I don't like some "changes" that have happened. I just feel so useless. I kinda hate who I am, and some things that I've done in the past. I wish a lotta things but I know they probably won't happen. So what should i do? Any advice? I don't really know how to explain everything. :[
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It's good that you are so in-tune with your emotions. People that actually are willing to look into their emotions and bother expressing them are rare. Congrats on trying to sort through your feelings.
That being said, I have no idea how to make you feel less "empty". I myself feel the same way a lot of the time. I do know that I would never advise you to "read" "work"or "hang out with friends", because those things are just as trivial as sitting at home doing nothing. Nothing is really all that relevant, and chances are, no matter what you do, you will still feel empty. I guess all I can say is that when you are looking for purpose and meaning in a frivolous society, you are bound to be disappointed. All you can do is take pride in the fact that you are one of the few people who are actually aware of the emptiness - most people don't notice, and when they do, they don't talk about it.
I do have a piece of advice concerning your friend who is constantly chatting with her e-friends instead of you - tell her how you are feeling. If you are her best friend (which you are, regardless of her online friends), she should take the time to listen.
Good luck =)
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I honestly do understand how you feel. I did go through that a lot in middle school and my freshman year of highschool. I had to seperate myself from those people. I deleted my myspace and AIM. I'm not as popular as I was then, but now I'm happy. You may wanna try it too.
I read where you hate stuff about your past. Listen, if you are living with regrets, let it go. I know that is so much easier said then done, but say enough is enough, I am not who I was, I changed. I think you need to do some soul searching, and don't worry its a good thing, what you should do is make a list of your priorities, and delete the bad in your life, your "fake" friends, (anyone who treats you that way is not real they are fake, sorry if I hurt your feelings, but they will talk so much crap about you, and tear you down) your myspace, and go out & do something this summer, you have to support something, maybe the environment, join campaigns to help them. I don't know, if you get yourself out there, youll meet new people, who will make you feel so much better about yourself.
You should not hate who you are, which is why you need to do some soul searching, why don't you like yourself? when you figure it out, think of things you can do to reinvent yourself. Oh and 1 more thing, stay offline with them for a while, they are pulling you down, and making you depressed just to sign on. NO one needs that. Oh yeah, and if you exercise, it gets your heart rate up which leaves you in a much better mood.
I think you should try the things I listed, I think youll be better off, too.
Cheer up, it'll get better :)
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Sounds like the typical middle-school drama I went through. It was crazy, one day the four of us were BFF's. The next day two of us were fighting with the other two. More often than not though somebody would get ganged up on. Outcast. But only for like a week or two because... well because they got bored and brought excitement through drama.
I ditched those "friends" when I got to high school. The clique I ended with was decidedly smaller (it was just me and my best friend really), however MUCH more drama free. And I never had to worry about if she was gonna try to beat me up the next week or not talk to me the week after.
Honestly, just keep looking for better people to hang with. And if you feel fake, then its all wrong. Be yourself because everyone can see past a poser.
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